The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

you can pry 'totes mcgotes' out of my cold, dead hands

— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) May 4, 2015

I like my coffee how I like my men. Incapable of disrespecting me.

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 4, 2015

Please be nice to me
*is nice to me*
What did I do, are you mad at me?

— claudia turner (@cloudypianos) May 5, 2015

Nothing would make me happier than a supercut of people having their phones stolen off the ends of selfie sticks

— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 5, 2015

🎶 Move bitch get out the way 🎶 - me singing to pigeons

— Amber Discko (@amberdiscko) May 6, 2015

Last night I dreamt that Angelina Jolie lost a beauty pageant to a literal baby and was none too pleased about it.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 8, 2015

there is no twentysomething experience more humbling than going to the supermarket just to buy milk and tampons

— Tess Koman (@tessie_the_mess) May 6, 2015

Real talk a female president won't launch nukes when she's on her period at most she'll waste an hour reading her ex's new girlfriend's blog

— BAD WITH MONEY BOOK 🏳️🌈 (@gabydunn) May 6, 2015

Causing a scene runs in my family.

— Victoria Sofia (@Ideal_Victoria) May 8, 2015

we as humans have found countless ways to contort and defile language but by far the worst string of words ever is "nice to e-meet you"

— Alanna Okun (@alanna) May 7, 2015

"I'm leaning into it and I'm creaming them." –40-something white man in suit riding Citi Bike in West Village to identical friend

— Juli Weiner (@juliweiner) April 28, 2015

People who refuse to believe women are harassed online sure do love to make their point by harassing women online.

— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) May 5, 2015

im tired of being amazed by beyonce. im not saying im not amazed i just literally dont have the energy anymore. can she stop? i need rest

— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) May 5, 2015

I know maybe I'll just buy one of those huge body pillows and name it James and call it a day

— Annie Stamell (@stamos) May 4, 2015

You're Gross: A Beauty Guide For Women

— moody monday (@mdob11) May 4, 2015

People with unusually strong emotions about pretend movies are the real heroes.

— pony starwars (@tigersgoroooar) May 5, 2015

Hey tough dudes wearing shorts that come down past your calves. They're called capris. You are wearing capris

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) May 8, 2015