Best Tweets: What Women Said On Twitter This Week

I've done nothing on my to do list for three years.

— Sassy Cupcake (@SassyTexasGal) March 8, 2015

Sometimes marriage is about love & compromise other times it's about letting the garbage get so full & seeing who will cave first.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 11, 2015

My vibrator doesn't forse me to make dinner when I'm not in the mood.

— Sweet Slips (@Ndeshi_M) March 10, 2015

If you take out the S&M, Fifty shades of Grey and Cinderella are the same film.

— Karen Gillan (@karengillan) March 12, 2015

*takes off bra*

*Dorito chip falls out*

Nice.

— Mmmkay? (@missekay) March 13, 2015

Bachelor: Will you accept this rose?
Me: Do you have any food?

— moody monday (@mdob11) March 11, 2015

"The Sun Also Rises Somewhere Else, Get Out Of My Apartment"
-Hemingway's break-up note

— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 11, 2015

I accept your challenge to a foot race, unsuspecting stranger walking two steps faster than me.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 12, 2015

All male bread. For bro-toast.

All male noodles. For man-chow mein.

All male eggs. For dude-omelettes.

All male potatoes. For fella-chips

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) March 10, 2015

*attempts to appease meninists by making an all-male reboot of A League of Their own*

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 11, 2015

The only motherly thing about me is that there's always snacks in my purse. For me.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) March 7, 2015

Reading my daughter's school report about family, and "My Mom's favorite food is Salad" almost made me spit out my Cadbury Mini Eggs

— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) March 10, 2015

I like to think I've left my mark on the world and by "the world" I mean "your shower wall" and by "my mark" I mean "my hair"

— Colette McIntyre (@calledcolette) March 13, 2015

'Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a slightly less frightening nightmare

— Alexis C. Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) March 13, 2015

If training for a triathlon doesn't include drinking margaritas and taking naps then that clearly explains why I'm not in training

— 🐌EnvyDaTropic™🐌 (@envydatropic) March 13, 2015

If you know how many calories are in your cinnamon bun, you're eating it wrong.

— bubble girl (@JessObsess) March 13, 2015