The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

Senior Gender Reporter, HuffPost

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

I miss drinking soda more than I miss any of my exes.
— BAD WITH MONEY BOOK 🏳️‍🌈 (@gabydunn) May 26, 2015

I find a dick pic about as erotic as a photograph of a sump pump.
— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) May 26, 2015

i started a google doc to make a list of animals that do have souls and animals that dont
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) May 26, 2015

I love hockey bc one second it's elegant ice dancing and the next it's dudes beating the shit out of each other
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) May 27, 2015

There is a couple in KMart fervently arguing over which discount microwave to buy, just like Andy Warhol dreamed. NEW YORK IS SO ALIVE!!!!!!
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) May 27, 2015

I wanna be cool enough to wear my headphones around my neck while not using them.
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) May 27, 2015

Apple Watch reminded me it was time to stand. So, I stood up, got Cool Ranch Doritos from kitchen, and crawled back in bed.

Feel healthier!
— Brianna Wu (@Spacekatgal) May 27, 2015

Sorry I can't make it to your wedding, but it's just not an Instagrammable enough location.
— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) May 27, 2015

The correct spelling is w-e-n-s-d-a-y. Next question.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 29, 2015

My siblings and I all suffer from a condition called "we just can't" referring to mostly every social interaction or any other interaction
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) May 29, 2015

Oh God. I just realized I'm stuck with me my whole life.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 26, 2015

Why are you smiling at me, are you lying
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) May 22, 2015

Boxing would be so great if it was your worst enemy against the world heavyweight boxing champion. I'm looking at you, Kevin from 2nd grade.
— beth, the GOP's worst nightmare™ (@bourgeoisalien) May 29, 2015

I wonder what my 2,570 emails are about.
— Scorpicpanda (@scorpicpanda) May 28, 2015

Calculating how many pockets full of playground wood chips I'll need to carry home in order to mulch all my flower beds.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 29, 2015