Beyoncé Shares What Having Multiple Miscarriages Taught Her

“I began to search for deeper meaning when life began to teach me lessons I didn’t know I needed,” the singer told Elle.

Beyoncé is one of the most fiercely private celebs, but in a new interview she gets real about something many women deal with: having not one, but multiple, miscarriages.

In the January 2020 cover story for Elle magazine, the 38-year-old pop culture icon talks candidly about pregnancy losses she and husband Jay-Z experienced before the birth of their daughter Blue Ivy in 2012, and how it helped put her career in perspective.

“I began to search for deeper meaning when life began to teach me lessons I didn’t know I needed,” the singer said in response to a fan’s question about getting snubbed by the Grammys for her 2016 album “Lemonade.” “Success looks different to me now.”

“I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift. Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else,” she said. “Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper. I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger. It’s difficult for me to go backwards.”

Being “number one,” Beyoncé added, “was no longer my priority. My true win is creating art and a legacy that will live far beyond me. That’s fulfilling.”

“Lemonade” lost out on album of the year to Adele’s “25”something that surprised even Adele. (“My album of the year is ‘Lemonade,’” the British singer told reporters backstage at the award show.)

Earlier this year, Beyoncé’s Netflix special “Homecoming,” which documents her celebrated 2018 Coachella performance, was nominated for six Emmy Awards but won none. (Instead, James Corden’s “Carpool Karaoke” nabbed the prize in one category.)

Beyoncé and Jay-Z are parents to 2-year-old twins Rumi and Sir, and daughter Blue Ivy, who turns 8 next month. In years past, Jay-Z has also alluded to how the birth of his children has shaped him as a man.

On his 2017 album “4:44,” the 50-year-old rapper mentions the miscarriages and his alleged infidelities .

“I still mourn this death, I apologize for all the stillborns / ’Cause I wasn’t present, your body wouldn’t accept it,” he raps on the album’s title track.

And in an interview with David Letterman a year later, Jay-Z spoke about how the couple healed following the betrayal.

“I have a beautiful wife who is understanding and knew that I’m not the worst of what I’ve done,” he said. “We did the hard work of going to therapy, and really we love each other so, we really put in the work, and for years.”

Beyoncé also talked to Elle about the struggles of balancing work and life as a mom, businesswoman and musician.

“I think the most stressful thing for me is balancing work and life. Making sure I am present for my kids—dropping Blue off at school, taking Rumi and Sir to their activities, making time for date nights with my husband, and being home in time to have dinner with my family—all while running a company can be challenging,” she says. “Juggling all of those roles can be stressful, but I think that’s life for any working mom.”

For more of the Elle interview, head here.

Beyonce Through The Years