Big Girls Don't Cry

A few years ago, there was this great song by a one hit wonder band, Lillix. "It's About Time" is about the phases we go through in life, the ups and downs, moments where you slap your forehead in horror going "what was I thinking" or the good moments where it's like, "it can't get any better than this." It's the little moments that get you through until the next day.

I'm not sure if it's the Polar Vortex which has kept me indoors for the past few months or the fact I've felt like I've been stuck in the mud for too long, but I'm finally getting to a point where I'm tired of doing the same thing day in and day out. I want to shake things up, see how the other half lives. Mainly I just want to get my life back to where it was before I got sick and derailed completely.

I had so many goals and dreams for myself that I had to let go because there wasn't enough time between treatments, doctors appointments and tests to figure out what the problem was; then suddenly when I did get back on track, it was like I didn't know where to begin. I honestly felt like a teenager being thrown back into the first day of high school where you don't know where to turn or even who to turn to.

The main goal for myself now is to be able to get back on track with life in general, to reconnect with the person I lost when I became sick -- although hopefully more aware of my surroundings. Five years is a long to be disconnected but the alternative is to fade into the wallpaper and disappear which isn't an option anymore.

I want to be able to become successful in writing my book about overcoming everything. I just want to be able to look back on my life when I'm 80 and say I accomplished something significant, rather than that I sat on my lazy ass and let my life pass by without doing a damn thing.

We all have that ambition to be remembered for something great, and when you're learning-disabled, it's even harder because you're constantly fighting the system to pull yourself out of this label that because your disabled you aren't able to do anything. It seems no matter what progress we make, the stigma is there.

Sometimes we all need a nudge forward but sometimes that nudge feels like a Louisville slugger to the head. Before I got sick and was forced to drop my entire life, the common question from my Aunt Mame among others was, "What are you doing the rest of your life?" to which I wouldn't have an answer because how can you answer the question when you haven't figured it out yourself? Now that I'm better, I'm still searching but at least I have a clue.

First thing's first: a job and then hopefully regain my independence to finally be able to live on my own and be able to just come home to something other than my childhood bedroom, to a place that I know I paid for and I can do whatever I want whenever I want without being questioned or feeling like I'm a burden.

Everyone says a path to their destiny begins somewhere, but how can you get back when you've fallen off? We're constantly fighting for something but there comes a point in your life where you go "enough's enough,"and move on.

Have you ever been in a situation when you had to restart your life? What was the moment you said "I'm ready to begin again?"