In case you haven't seen this gem, it features a 4.5-foot-tall brown stuffed bear with a rather vacant expression. If the commercial is to be believed, this bear is any guy's ticket to a steamy night with the woman of his dreams.
Here's the 2012 version, which, we can assure you, is bear-ly distinguishable from this year's:
Let's put aside the insanity of the premise that an adult woman wants an enormous stuffed bear, as well as the obvious sexism in the suggestion that a gal will have sex with you if you give her a good gift. We're here to focus on a much more insidious and disturbing aspect of this commercial: The Big Hunka Love Bear (BHLB) is here to steal your lady.
Skip ahead to 1:05 or so. "When you aren't around, her bear will be there to keep her company," the slick-voiced narrator says. Meanwhile, a model clad in the universe's least-revealing lingerie leaps onto the bed and embraces the Love Bear. Sure, the next line is, "keep her thinking about you," but skip ahead again to 1:55. The world's most modest underwear model is back, and her sultry eyes are locked on the bear's expressionless visage. We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but she has no time for you anymore.
Need further evidence? Check out the way the ol' BHLB weasels his way into the hug at 1:14, eventually coming completely between the woman and man. The all-too-trusting man winks at the camera, not realizing that, at best, he's going to be getting that bear's sloppy seconds.
In case anyone still hasn't gotten the message, YouTube user supermimicman has posted a pretty hilarious and accurate dubbed-over version of the commercial that takes all the subtlety out of the original. Click here to watch it (NSFW audio).
Did we mention that Vermont Teddy Bear also advertises the BHLB around Christmas time? It's the same bear, but this time the BHLB has donned a Santa hat and ugly scarf. We gotta say, this commercial seems a little weird after watching the Valentine's Day version.