Blagojevich Scandal A Font Of Creative Inspiration

Yesterday, I made mention of how neatly this whole unfolding Blagojevich scandal seemed to neatly intersect with so many cultural referents. An investigation that felt like The Wire on the streets of Chicago, with characters and dialogue from the classic dramas of David Mamet. We even got to enjoy Mamet's take on the whole matter. But we'd be remiss if we failed to mention some of the folks who have taken the matter to the next level and used the Blago scandal to unleash inspiration of their own. Three favorites:

1. THE WIRE, SEASON SIX. Gabe Delahaye of Videogum puts detectives Bunk and McNulty together for one last, drunken adventure with Rod Blagojevich and, of course, their personal demons, which they HAVE to keep down in the hole...I can't stress this enough. An excerpt:

McNulty pisses next to his parked car. Bunk pisses next to McNulty.

BUNK:
Do you think we did the right thing? Letting those drug dealers shoot the Governor in the face all those times?

MCNULTY:
I don't know if I believe in "the right thing" anymore, Bunk! Everything is so complicated!

BUNK:
That's true! I had also noticed that. It's like the world isn't black and white, you know? It's shades of gray!

MCNULTY:
Yeah, although selling a Senate seat to the highest bidder isn't really shades of gray, I guess. It's kind of just insane and super fucked up.

2. GLENGARRY GLEN BLAGOJEVICH. The one and only Choire Sicha takes a stab at Mametizing the Blago story. His version begins on his website, and continues on the pages of Salon. You remember how Tina Fey was able to just use long passages of Sarah Palin's own statements to lampoon her? Same principle applies. An excerpt:

FLASH FORWARD. Late October, 2008. In BLAGO's office, on Randolph Street in Chicago. JOHN HARRIS, his chief of staff, and a MAN IN A BAD SUIT are present. Another MAN IN A BAD SUIT has just left the office.

BLAGO
That fucking guy is alright. I like his talk. He should raise me a hundred thou this year.

MAN IN A BAD SUIT
Sure, yeah, Blago. No doubt.

BLAGO
So here is how it goes. We're about to go up with the roads thing. One point eight billion. You see? And the Tollway Authority has a lotta RFPs. So we're gonna go to your friend with the concrete shop. He likes an RFP. Who the fuck doesn't. Gonna be a busy year for him. He can probably get together half a million for the campaign. Thing is, I could have made a larger announcement but wanted to see how they perform by the end of the year. If they don't perform? Fuck 'em.

JOHN HARRIS
They gotta perform for us, you see? And you know what takes a lotta concrete? Express lanes.

MAN IN A BAD SUIT
Yeah, express lanes!

BLAGO
Shut the fuck up, both of you.

3. FRAGMENTS FROM 'BLAGOJEVICH! THE MUSICAL': Of course, you have to find a special place for someone who's able to take the topic and mold it to their own cultural conceit. And Ben Greenman is his own institution, weaving the news of the day into his own cockeyed libretto of human events. His "Fragments From..." series have been seen on Gawker. This latest delight is online at The New Yorker. An excerpt:

[Down the street from the Governor's office, BILL, a federal agent, is sitting in a van drinking coffee and monitoring the Governor's wiretap. There is a van ahead of him and another behind him.]

BILL:
I feel useless, half dead
I feel like a vagrant
It's cold and boring
I'm full of frustration
This long conversation
Has me nodding and snoring
Nothing that flagrant
Ever gets said
All the other agents are acting like schmucks
They stranded me here and went off to Starbucks

[JOHN HARRIS and ROD BLAGOJEVICH enter the Governor's office. BILL switches on the tape.]

BILL:
Ho hum
The fox is in the den
Ho hum
Here we go again

JAMES HARRIS:
Let's talk now
About the sale
Of Obama's seat
The plan can't fail

[BILL does a spit take.]

BILL:
Wha? What the eff?
Is this some perverse trick?

JOHN HARRIS:
Let's make certain we get
The most for our pick

ROD BLAGOJEVICH:
I've dreamed of this since I was a boy
A Senate seat in Illinois
Do you know the value of what I'm holding?
I've got this thing and it's fucking golden

BILL:
Holy moly. Holy hell.
Did he say what I think he said?
He can't really be serious
My heart is racing. My face is red.

JOHN HARRIS:
Let's take what we want
In exchange for what we give
It's a jungle, and only
The craftiest can live

BILL:
Holy hat rack. Holy cow
Is he truly prepared to peddle the seat?
I need to get the other guys
Jack and Manny and Don and Pete