BP Promises to Fix Leak; Asks US If Someone Will Be Home Between 8 and 5

LONDON (The Borowitz Report) - Responding to the United States' ultimatum to produce a viable solution to the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, the oil company promised today to fix the leak and asked the US "if someone will be home between 8 and 5."

Skepticism about the company's latest promise intensified after a government official's call to BP headquarters was met with a series of recorded prompts.

"Dial 1 if you have an oil rig that is currently leaking," the recorded message begins. "Dial 2 if your rig is gushing barrels of oil uncontrollably. Dial 3 is you have any idea how to fix an oil leak." More here.

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