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Brand X

Democrats and liberals have still failed to brand Bush and the Republicans as anything in particular. Here are some suggestions.
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If we know anything from the 2004 election, we know that branding is as essential to politics as it is to selling detergents, cars and perfume.

The Bush campaign branded Kerry as a flip-flopper and soft on terror. Kerry failed to brand Bush as anything. And the chicken-hawk defeated the war hero.

Democrats and liberals have still failed to brand Bush and the Republicans as anything in particular. Here are some suggestions.

1. President Loser: Let us count the things that were lost on Bush’s watch, then let us hang them around his neck, like big French medals. He immediately lost the budget surplus. Then he lost the World Trade Center. Damn near lost the Pentagon too. Then he lost America’s moral standing in the world. He lost an entire American city - New Orleans. Nobody’s ever lost a whole American city before. Then, he lost the War in Iraq.

2. The Grand Old Hypocrisy Party. These were the guys who were going to restore honor to the White House. Bush was a uniter, not a divider. These people are not occasionally found in a hypocritical situation – they are professional hypocrites. They name things the opposite of what they are. Clear Skies means more mercury in the air. A Jobs and Stimulus Package, that actually loses jobs. The president calls his home a ranch, but it’s got no cattle, no horses neither. Bush pretends to run a clean campaign and has Carl Rove slander John McCain and the Swift Boat Veterans slander John Kerry.

3. Loot and Pollute defines all their policies. Loot Iraq, and leave a disaster behind. Loot the treasurey and leave deficits behind. Pollute the air, pollute the water, just so that this month’s Enron can get their loot.

4. The National Incompetence Party. They can’t run a war. They can’t run an economy. They can’t reinforce the levees when the hurricanes are coming. They can’t reconstruct an American city. They can’t reconstruct a foreign country they bombed to bits. They can’t negotiate an international coalition. They can’t create jobs. They can’t balance a budget. They can’t even avoid being indicted.

5. The Name-Calling Party. There are two reasons to call them the name calling party. The first, because it’s what they do. Please, go on any right wing website or blog and read the names they call even John McCain or John Murtha. Let alone Clinton or Schumer. The second, is because it’s time for the left to start doing it. As the game is played now, it is important to accuse your opponent of what you, yourself are doing. Say it first, say it often, don’t flinch when they say it back, just repeat the accusation two more times.

6. The Big Secrets Party. They love secrets. Why? Because if the people knew the truth about what they were doing, they would know they are looting and polluting, they’re sneak thieves, they’re incompetent, they’ve been asleep at the wheel and they’re losers.

7. The Mean Girls Party. Oh my word, aren’t they whiney. Now that they’re in party, they just keep everyone out. They have their secrets, which they don’t have to share, and that makes them better than anyone else in the lunchroom. They all have their nicknames. And they like to play mean dirty tricks on other people and snicker about it later. Nothing they ever do is wrong, because other people made them do it. Anyway, they’re the real victims. You don’t even have to ask, they’ll tell you so. With my apologies to the feminists among us, but they are just like the Heathers.

There you have it. President Loser. Leader of the Grand Old Hypocrisy Party that became the National Incompetence Party when they took power and used their power to Loot and Pollute. While they kept all their Big Secrets and ruled the lunchroom … but, no more chit-chat, the Heather-in-Chief has to go do his exercise to keep his waist slim because he’s going shopping for more Heather-in-Chief outfits to wear when he next parades in front of the troops.

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