Dr. Brené Brown, a professor who's spent the past decade studying vulnerability, says you may be judging people without even realizing it. To prove her point, Brown asks the audience on "Oprah's Lifeclass" for a show of hands. "How many of you think you want to be more vulnerable and dare greatly?" she asks. Nearly every audience member raises a hand.
Next, Brown asks, "How many of you are comfortable asking for help?" Far fewer hands go up this time.
"How many of you would rather give help than ask for help?" Brown asks next. Once again, nearly all hands in the audience go up.
"Let me just ruin this for you," Brown says, as the audience laughs. "When you cannot ask for help without self-judgment, you are never really offering help without judgment."
"Stand up and tell the truth," Oprah says. "Let's hear that one again, I've got to write that down."
"Here's the bottom line," Brown says. "Ready? When you cannot accept and ask for help without self-judgment, then when you offer other people help, you are always doing so with judgment."
"Really?" Oprah asks.
"Always," Brown says. "Because you have attached judgment to asking for help."
For many years, Brown says she thought her self-worth came from helping other people. "But I would never ask for help," she says. "Which meant every time I was helping you, I was judging you."
"When you extract worthiness for helping people, that's judgment," Brown says. "When you don't extract worthiness and you think, 'I'm just helping you because one day I'm gonna need help' -- that's connection. That's vulnerability.
"You're teaching tonight, girl," Oprah says. "You're teaching."