A Bridge Over Troubled Water

It Was Fun
Simon and Garfunkel's song title describes the turbulent boomer dating waters. Dating is a consistently divisive issue, and I'm surprised how stubbornly contentious it remains. Why so much acrimony? Who's at fault, and more importantly, how can we calm the troubled boomer dating waters? When single boomer women tell me they've stopped dating and they're happily creating a life without a partner, I understand on some level. I get the difference between being alone and being lonely, and all the single boomer women I know enjoy lifelong, sustaining friendships. But is that the same or better as having a partner? Isn't there a way to bring boomer men and women together again?

Women Are Perfect Already
There are a host of online boomer dating articles daily. The issues don't change, but the advice varies. It seems demeaning and superficial to tell boomer women how to become more attractive to boomer men, because the reasoning behind that advice is flawed. Boomer women are attractive already. Their looks aren't the problem, so suggesting makeovers and new wardrobes seems like bullshit advice, because the real issue is boomer men's lack of appreciation for boomer women as partners. In addition it's about demographics, chronology, changing sexuality, societal pressure, online porn, and other issues that exert profound influences on boomer dating. Considering how boomer men and women got along in the 60s and 70s, it seems odd we struggle today. We're still the free love generation, albeit older.

The Issues
That there are significantly more available single boomer women than men contributes to the conflict. Boomer women are at a distinct numerical disadvantage dating online in particular. The uneven playing field gives boomer men the sense they can date any woman, which is at least partly true. Even a boomer guy who hasn't seen his feet in a decade is datable, while boomer women are supposed to have nearly perfect bodies? Some men's porn-like addiction for perfection and submission works against boomer women, but it doesn't work for most younger women either.

That so many boomer guys date younger women exclusively makes boomer women feel unseen and disposable. Boomer guys seem willing to trade boomer women's character for younger bodies and less savvy behavior. They ignore boomer women's qualities, careers, the ability to love unconditionally, and strong relationship skills. Some boomer guys believe their potency is enhanced with younger women, but that doesn't last for long.

Hard To Face Women Friends
When my single boomer women friends ask why so many boomer guys ignore their online dating emails, I find it difficult to look them in the eye and tell them that for lots of boomer men they're past their expiration date. And I'm uncomfortable when I suggest they keep trying because the odds are not in their favor.

I've written more than a few articles extolling the virtues of boomer women as the best possible partners. While women not surprisingly agree, men's comments lean toward, "mind your own business, younger women are more fun, older women are boring, and what do you know?"

What I Know
I'd like to even the playing field for boomer women. My three-year relationship with a woman nearly my age has been remarkable. And while I realize my story is anecdotal, I've become a better man as a result of being in relationship with her. I've learned to trust unconditionally, to love on a deeper emotional level, and to create a hot sexual relationship that's also a best friendship.

Character Versus Youth
Before boomer guys glibly skip past boomer women they might want to remember what these women have overcome and the stellar character they developed in the process. And their friendships with other women have taught them relationship skills that they bring into relationships with men.

Wake Up Call
Some boomer men have become blinded by past difficulties in failed relationships and marriages with boomer women, and they stubbornly cling to the fantasy that younger women are easier to be in relationship with. The labels bitter and angry are universally applied to boomer women even though these emotions only reflect individual failed relationships. They're ignoring the obvious because they don't want to feel challenged by a woman who's a peer. But peers who are friends challenge each other and help each other grow. There's nothing sadder than an older guy with the emotional depth of a teenager trying to date young women. The real issue is character, not tighter bodies. Okay guys fire away, but stick to the stated issue, which is that boomer women are the best partners for boomer men.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

Sexy Over 50 Men