Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been three days since my last slice of pizza.
I have a borderline unhealthy obsession with pizza. If I could marry it, I would and that's no joke. Hot, gooey, cheesy, delicious, and non-judgemental are all the qualities I look for in a partner. But, much like the praying mantis, I always kill and eat my beloved before we ever had a chance. In fact, my love of pizza has been documented by Huffington Post Divorce!
When I'm eating pizza, I like to keep it fancy and have a glass or three of wine. Sure, beer is the traditional pairing with this delectable delight, but I've never been known to be a conformist. Truth: I really don't like beer. The 'beer' I do drink is barely qualified to call itself beer. More like piss-yellow colored water. That's why I choose wine. I am much more open to various types of wine, yet I tend to stay with the same choices (Pinot Grigio and Pinot Noir). I know next to nothing about what makes a wine good. I look at price versus label. I'm sure you've guessed which end of the spectrum my purchases fall...
What makes a pizza and wine experience the best experience? Eating and drinking and listening to music! All my life I've been passionate about music. It's what makes me happy, sad, excited. My musical tastes are kind of schizophrenic; one day I'll listen to 1950's doo-wop and the next it's Iron Maiden. I'm pretty non discriminatory, but there are always exceptions to the rule. As in, no Rhianna. Ever. Don't even try to make the argument to me that she's a good singer because it will fall on deaf ears (much like hers). Annnnnyway....
Why am I talking about all of this? Because today, I had a bit of a crisis. As the afternoon started winding down, my mind wandered to what to have for dinner. And, of course, I wanted pizza. Immediately, this idea was shot down by my asshole inner voice who said, "Really, Marie? Again? You got up at 5 A.M. this morning to workout, and this is what you think is acceptable? No. You'll have something else."
Asshole!
But, you know what? That asshole inner voice was right: I'm really trying hard to get back on track with my diet. Of course, the thought of cutting my one and only out of my life brought on more despair than signing my divorce papers. There's no way I can never eat it again. Panicked, I realized I needed a plan that would let me hang on, yet keep my shit in check.
Eureka!
Friday nights are a good pizza night, right? It's the end of the week, no one feels like cooking. I don't have to work on Saturday, so I can have a few glasses of wine and not worry about waking up to an alarm the next morning. If I'm only having it once a week, I want it to fucking count enjoy the experience. I've also been looking for new music to listen to but sometimes it's a little overwhelming. That's when I came up with this idea:
Funny Broad Friday Night Pizza, Wine, and Music Review!
Each week, I'll try a new pizza, wine, and music based on your suggestions. Those who live local, let me know if you're interested and let's do it.
There's only a few rules:
Pizza
- Take-out or home-made: you decide. Keep in mind, this may or may not sway the final results of the test. I clearly don't have a pizza oven, so it might not come out as good, you know?
- Toppings suggested should be toppings you would find on a menu. In a restaurant. That means no gross combinations like Swedish Fish and mushrooms, thankyouverymuch.
- Scoring will be rated on a scale of one to five slices, five being the highest.
Wine
- There will be a40 budget for a bottle of wine
- Scoring will be rated on a scale of one to five wine glasses, five being the highest.
Music
- Has to be available for purchase and/or listening online.
- Scoring will be rated on scale of one to five CDs, blah blah read above.
That's it! I'll be taking pictures of the process to document this shit show. I know you'll give me some good ideas.
If you don't? Well, I'm still doing it anyway. I'll be sharing my findings weekly with you and we can discuss the results.
Let's get started. Leave your pizza/wine/music combinations in the comments below. Friday is right around the corner!
Become a fan! Sign up for updates by clicking here and at funnybroad.com