The ability to positively interact with parents is a crucial skill for all teachers, but even more so when the child in question has a disability. During my first meetings as a special education teacher, I fielded questions ranging from, "Will they be able to learn?" and "What do I tell my family?" all the way up to "Can she go to college?" The parents were afraid and it was my job to sooth their concerns, and more often than not, they had stubborn ideas about how and what their child should be taught, too.
Scenario
Alice had transferred in as a fourth grader. After completing kindergarten at my school, she was pulled and homeschooled. Even then, there had been indicators that she had a learning difference. On her return, she was tested and found significantly behind in her basic academics. What was of major concern to me was her lack of sound/symbol recognition with regards to the alphabet. She had a 30-40 sight word vocabulary, but I knew I needed to start at the beginning with a systematic program to teach her phonics. I expressed my concern to the mother and outlined a program of instruction.
Mom: "I really want her to be taught with chapter books."
Me: "You do realize that she needs to start at the basics." (I used my fingers to spell "C.A.T" to demonstrate much more engaging starting point.)
Mom: "I'm more concerned about her self-esteem...she's in fourth grade. I want chapter books used.
I wanted to shout, "Maybe, just maybe if you had brought her to me earlier, I could have taught her to read. Her self-esteem is low because she knows she can't read. Now you expect me to use chapter books! It's like asking her to cross a river without a bridge. Just let me teach her to read. I'm the expert!"
Me, instead: "I understand your concern about her self-esteem. Why don't I give her a pretest to set a baseline? Next, we'll try a chapter book for several weeks. Then I'll give her a post test and we can meet to discuss her progress.
Mom: "Thank you, I like the sound of that."
Why Chapter Books?
I could have stood my ground and demanded that I be allowed to use a proven technique. I could have even backed my decision with a barrage of research (administration would've backed me, too). Yet, I chose to use the chapter books. Several things were at stake, though.
Respect/Control
This was her baby and I think she knew she had made a mistake pulling her out of school in kindergarten. Now she couldn't read and it had affected her self-esteem. By valuing the mom's request, I gave her a sense of control in an out-of-control scenario. By honoring her input, I showed that I respected her motherhood and her role as a team member. In turn, I earned her respect.
Communication
If I had gone to battle over this issue, it would have set a combative tone for future interactions. It would have become a me-versus-her mentality and thus ruined any chance at a consolidated effort. Communication is more than just dialogue. It means reading between the lines and really listening beyond the words being spoken. Chapter books were really just the way Mom's concern was being expressed - a silent plea for respect, if you will.
Alice learned three sight words those first two weeks despite intense support at school and home. At the post meeting, Mom agreed to a new approach involving systematic phonetic instruction paired with the use of leveled chapter books as a choral, "read-aloud" home component. I'm proud to report that Alice impressively ended fourth grade at a 3rd grade reading level.
As a teacher, my rule was "the parent is always right." That was until I could, as needed, diplomatically show them a better way. I chose to build bridges across the river as opposed to battling the raging waters of parental displeasure. By respecting parent opinions/input I was able to spend my time working with them as a team, and through teamwork, we were able to make significant progress in bridging the gaps affecting their child's emotional, social, behavioral, and academic progress.