Tonight at 9PM Eastern, they'll bundle the President onto his Presidential handtruck and roll him into the White House Library (of all places) to make the primetime announcement of his plan to escalate the war in Iraq.
So far, the Democratic leadership in Congress has only committed to "symbolic" opposition to Bush's plan, so that leaves the vast majority of us who see what a dangerously craptacular idea this is, to come up with ways to fight it ourselves.
Tomorrow night, MoveOn is planning nationwide rallies against the escalation. Tonight, build up some camaraderie with the people with whom you'll be protesting tomorrow, by playing the Bush Iraq War Escalation Speech Drinking Game.
Where to play
May I suggest your living room? Or perhaps your local TV-equipped bar or restaurant? Give some pals/acquaintances a call now to see how many people you can round up. If you've got enough people so that it makes sense to go out instead of to your place, ask the manager at your local watering hole if he/she can put the speech on for you if you promise to bring pals who will eat and drink aplenty.
What to Drink
Beer's best, you know it is. If you're dry, drink non-alcoholic beer - it's better than it used to be. If you're not dry but you hate beer, you can drink a half-strength highball: put one ounce of your favorite non-sweet liquor (bourbon, gin, vodka, scotch, cognac, even tequila) in a glass full of ice, and top it all the way up with seltzer, tonic water or soda. Usually a highball is two ounces, but if you drink real highballs for this game you'll DIE.
How to Play
These words or phrases are your cues to drink:
- "9/11" - drink once
- "September the 11th" drink twice - is that extra "the" supposed to make the mention more dramatic?
- "Surge" - drink once
- "Escalation" or "escalate" - drink twice.
- If he denies that the troop increase is an escalation, drink half of what's in your glass.
- "Moqtada al Sadr" - drink once
- Mangled pronounciation of "Moqtada al Sadr" - drink twice
- "Victory" - drink once
- "Failure" - drink once
- "Iran" - drink once
- "The Islamic Republic of Iran" - drink twice
- "They'll follow us home" - drink once
- "We can pay the price and win, or pay a similar price and lose" - drink once
- "Hitler" or "Nazi" or "Third Reich" or "Holocaust" or "appease" - dump your drink out in the sink, splash some water on your face, look at yourself in the mirror, and resolve to volunteer for a Democratic presidential campaign in '08.
- Mention of any killed or wounded American soldier by name - drink once, and make an online donation to Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America
- "Jenna" or "Barbara" or "my daughters" - drink twice
- "Saddam Hussein" - drink once
- "Saddamists" - drink twice
- If he says "God Bless" anything but just "America" at the end of the speech - drink once
That's it. You may want to print out the list for yourself ahead of time - feel free to also add any other terms that drive you nuts. Pick a designated driver, of course. And make sure you've got plenty of ibuprofen and water on hand so you'll be recovered in time for Thursday night's protests.