"But I am reasonably certain, my friends, that I own exactly sixteen Patek Philippe watches."

"But I am reasonably certain, my friends, that I own exactly sixteen Patek Philippe watches."
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

If you're looking for a good, concrete example of a guy who's right in touch with the aspirations of ordinary Americans you'd be hard-pressed to top a guy who isn't sure how many houses he owns. I mean, isn't that The American Dream right there -- to own so many houses that you can't even count them? Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: Gosh, this is a cheap shot. After all, according to Jonathan Martin and Mike Allen of Politico, the actual number is quite low, as numbers go: Four. (Newsweek says seven; a group called Progressive Accountability pegs it at a nice, round 10.).) You wouldn't zetz a guy for owning four pairs of pants, or four neckties, or (as McCain does) four platinum-plated rocketcars. "And hey," you protest further, "some of those properties aren't houses at all. They're condos, for crying out loud, and barely big enough to house McCain's enormous collection of ruby-encrusted cashboxes." And this is true, as far as it goes, although this kind of thinking fails to take into account that each of the small, modest condos sits on vast reserves of natural oil and gas, which McCain and wife Cindy use to set ablaze the million-dollar bills with which they light their smuggled Cuban cigars. But never mind that. All I'm saying is, McCain isn't really so out of touch that he doesn't even know how many houses he owns. On that score, you can relax. Because the truth is much, much less damning than that. The truth is that he does know, but he's so ancient he can't remember. There. Feel better now?

Cross posted at billbarol.tumblr.com.

Go To Homepage

Popular in the Community