I don't want to interface with you later on that.
Or have a dialogue about it.
Or, God help me, language about it.
We'll just talk, like people have done for 100,000-350,000 years prior to the advent of interfacing and will continue to do, even if the actual word talk is bludgeoned to death late one night at a corporate retreat. (Or, if you're 30 Rock's Jack Donaghy, a Six Sigma retreat to move forward.)
Office jargon isn't about clear communication. Like Pig Latin, it's often about preventing listeners from fully understanding, as in fully understanding that the speaker is saying othingnay ecialspay.
So foreign are the words and phrases I hear at office meetings (drill down, reaching out, circling back, repurposing, at the end of the day) from those that I hear at home, where I'm a mother (What? Can I use the car? Huh?) and wife (Why's the heat on?) that they comprise a second language: Worklish.
The Worklish dialect is especially jarring to the ears of the newly employed woman, who, in the spirit of compassion, should be issued a Worklish-to-English dictionary. She will be hearing for the first time words and phrases that cannot survive in the atmosphere outside an office.
This isn't my first linguistic rodeo. I entered the workforce when peak quality and raising the bar were popular. Later came the ratchet up and dial down era. Looking back, those phrases seem the Dick and Jane primers of office jargon. Today, we're boiling the ocean. Try working that into your next conversation with your best friend.
On the down side, Worklish tends to be annoyingly redundant. Is it necessary to say very unique or here today any more than it is to say young baby or difficult divorce?
But to its credit, Worklish is, on occasion, onto something. I'm pretty sure I rightsized my first marriage.
While we can't wipe out Worklish, we can embrace coping strategies. Here are six.
Ooops, I have to put a quarter in my jar. So I will sign off...
(I'm the best? You're the best? Best of luck? The best is yet to come? You're looking your best? Best Western? I'm trying my gosh darn best, here?)