California Drought Forces Residents to Stop Running the Faucet When They Shit

Well, just when we thought things couldn't get much worse, somehow they've taken an even darker turn. California officials announced today that, due to the lack of water in the state, new measures must be taken to conserve. Although the sprinkler laws hit lawn people hard, this new one seems to be the most upsetting yet: no more running the faucet during a shit.

Many Californians don't seem to be too phased by the verdict but the ones who are bothered by it have been very outspoken: such as members of the Jewish community, people with IBS and those with self diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder (yes, there is a big overlap there.) When we asked people how this would affect them, the feedback was overwhelmingly, well, sad.

Jonathan Goldberg said:

"I used to be able to go to a friend's house without having to worry that the curry I'd eaten earlier would come back to bite me. With this new law I'm really gonna have to watch what I eat."

Esther Sterling said:

"Great for Pepto Bismol sales, bad for me!"

Jacob Green said:

"I forgot how to go without the sound of running water... Since the law went into effect, I've been to the Doctor four times!" (It went into effect yesterday)

Sammy Pfefferman said:

"I live in West Hollywood and my closest friend lives in Reseda, but I don't think we'll be seeing much of each other after this. I mean, it's just too risky. Like, what if I go all the way to Reseda and then I realize I have to... go..."

While certain citizens are holding it in and then receiving enemas, others are happy about the decision, like Christians and people who use outhouses. Though they do seem to be confused by the controversy over the verdict.

Steve Johnson said:

"What the f***?! People run the water when they shit?! Why?"

Sara Smith said:

"I don't understand. Is it a religious thing?"

Rachel Bauer said:

"I'm sorry... There's a drought?"

Starbucks one-person bathrooms are filling up by the seconds here in California. The new law states that failure to abide by the ruling will result in a fine and possible jail time. When we asked citizens what their thoughts on that were, the response was unanimous.

"Jail?! That's crazy. If I have to run the water while I go in a private bathroom, how the hell am I gonna shit in a cell with two other people in it?!