The Blog

Can We Live Longer?

An anti-aging pill will lead to a nation overrun with seniors, sucking the lifeblood from their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, while constantly criticizing them and complaining.
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According to Reuters, exciting, just-published research has raised hopes for an anti-aging pill, which will lead to a nation overrun with seniors, sucking the lifeblood from their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, while constantly criticizing them and complaining about pretty much everything. Personally, I look forward to this.

After all, I'm an American. We're going to live more or less forever here in the U.S.A., especially if you correct the stats by eliminating the poor, especially infant mortality among the poor which skews the stats for comfortable white Americans like me, which are, frankly, off the charts.

I'm especially looking forward to the complaining. Since my wife and I have done so much for our own children, I expect they will visit us all the time in the nursing home, where we can complain about how we are being treated, and there will be a lot to complain about, starting with the fact that although they could take us in, our children have forced us to be in this goddamn nursing home.

But complaining will get a bit repetitious even for me, so I intend to be more entertaining by making observations about the many mistakes my children are making in the raising of their children. Since we're parents, my wife and I are authorities on the subject, although we may not always agree on everything, which will lead to entertaining quarrels which our children, and everybody else, will want to hear.

The just-published article was written (and this is one hell of a coincidence) by a scientist who has a pharmaceutical company already testing the pill. This sounds like an FDA fast-track slam dunk. In fact, it should be pre-approved, like a credit card application. Hey, let's go! I want this pill now!