Can You Really Love Your Partner to Death?

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There are a few things that are almost universally true in a marriage; 1) we want to avoid fighting with our spouse if possible, and 2) we try and avoid conflict or areas of disagreement. Similar in concept, but not always intent. Is there a point where you can love your partner, and avoid uncomfortable and tough topics to the point that they are to their detriment? Or, to the point that they are dangerous to them? This can definitely be the case when a spouse is practicing unsafe behaviors like drinking or using drugs, driving under the influence, spending time with individuals who are not safe to be around.

When it comes to drugs and alcohol, we will often see partners who are not comfortable telling their partner what to do, so they let them continue self-destructive behaviors. They do not want to get in a disagreement about them having too much, or that they should not have any. So, they do not say anything, and they let them abuse a substance they are addicted too. They do not want to be the bad guy, so they hope that others will step in and take care of the issue. There are also partners who will give their partner money for drugs and alcohol to avoid a major blow up, and to prevent the fight that would follow telling them "no."

While this may be shocking, there are many partners who will not stop their partner from using drugs and alcohol, as they do not want to have to control their own behavior. I have met many couples where the partner will not sternly tell the other that they cannot drink or do drugs, as they feel they have nowhere to talk, since they use something themselves. I have had partners tell me that they, "could not be with someone who cannot socially drink," as this is such a huge part of their social life. They will not ask them to quit something that has become out of control in their life, as it might hamper their own social life. One would think that love, and their partner's wellbeing would take precedence over being able to have a few drinks in a social situation.

There are partners who will not tell their other half that they should not drive when they are under the influence, as they want to avoid any fights or disagreements over this. They are in fact putting the lives of their partner and others on the road in danger, just to avoid the unpleasantness of telling them what they should. While this may not be something that is pleasant to do, if you truly love this person, their safety, and the safety of others, should take precedence above all other things. This is someone you want around for the rest of your life, so it seems like the momentary upset and uncomfortableness would be well worth it.

The last concept that comes to mind is the people that your partner keeps company with. This is not saying that you should be controlling over every person in your partner's life, but this is saying that you are willing to point out when the company they are keeping are dangerous and do not have their best interests at heart. These are the type of friends who continually pull your partner into dangerous situations and behaviors, as well as do not look out for their safety and best interests. These are the type of people who are out for a good time, and they do not want anyone giving their two cents about anything that could take away from the good time they are having.

While all these topics are unhealthy and uncomfortable, if you're really love your partner, if you really meant it when you said, "Until death do us part," you will learn to have the hard, but loving conversations. Issues such as substance abuse, unsafe behavior, and unsavory friends, are not easy topics to broach. However, they are topics that need to be addressed, and addressed immediately if you care about the person and want to keep them safe. If the person loves you, the way you love them, they will see that you are not going to sit by and love them to death.