Dear Cat,
I have been an actress for almost 20 years. I am not a household name, but let's just say most people recognize my face. Everyone around me says I'm "headed for the big time," but I struggle daily with the question, "Do I want it?" I come from a hardworking family, and my parents were extremely disappointed when I stopped college for acting. They said, "If it all ends suddenly, what will you have?" Their mindset strained our relationship, and we barely speak anymore. I know they're right, and I'm constantly afraid of failing in this business because once you're out, you're really out. I know people dream of doing what I do, but I dream of walking away and living a normal life. I'm not happy, and I feel like I'm spinning my wheels with my therapist (she is very good, don't get me wrong). I need an objective opinion on what to do with my life.
--Fork in the Road
Dear Fork,
"Normal" is a relative term, one your therapist would probably dissuade you from using. Why? Because it's a fantasy based on assumptions about other people. My hunch is you'd feel a lot better and more grounded if you were closer to your parents. It's one thing to possibly disappoint viewers you'll never meet, but it's quite another to think you're a disappointment to your family. "Barely speaking" is a two-way street, so I suggest that you call them for a few minutes every day (yes, every day) to begin cultivating a fresh relationship. Better yet, go visit!
Cat's Call: Whether you hit the big time or fall on your face, life is less scary when you share it with people you love.
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Dear Cat,
I was in a three-year relationship with a woman who had serious depression and alcohol problems, for which she never got proper help. Whenever she needed me, I'd always help her, because when you love someone, you'll stand by them during the darkest times. Well, when my mother passed away, it was my darkest hour. I asked my girlfriend to go to the grave with me, but she gave excuses of stuff needing to be done. It turns out that she went to a country music concert that day. I often worried that she was cheating because she'd get nighttime text messages, or she'd leave the room to answer phone calls, plus there were three condoms in her drawer one day, and a week later there was one. How could someone treat you so coldly after you give them so much support?
--Damaged Beyond Repair
Dear Damaged,
Five bucks says you spent most of those three years making excuses for her. She needed to be helped and saved, and you were the helper and savior. Then you faced a terrible ordeal, and she was nowhere to be found. Sadly, your story is not unusual. As I drafted this answer, I tried to remain sensitive to your ex's problems, but blowing off a visit to your mother's grave is beyond belief, and blowing it off for a concert is unforgivable.
Cat's Call: In life you'll find that some people are simply selfish, whether it's spurred by problems like addiction or good old-fashioned spoiled-brat-itis.
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