'Tis the season for celebrations. Weddings and graduations are particularly popular this time of year. Sure, these things happen at other times, but for many people, the summer is the time to party! In fact, the most popular time to get married is in June, and it will soon be upon us.
But when you celebrate a wedding, a graduation party, or a holiday like Valentine's Day, do you ever stop to think about doing it differently? Or even more importantly, do you think about the deeper meaning? Let's think about it in a little depth.
I'll start with weddings. The average age for a first marriage is 29 for women and 31 for men. And the average price for a wedding is $31,213. Can you believe that?!? I mean, the average person doesn't usually have that much cash laying around. And even if they do, should they really be spending it on a celebration that lasts only a few hours? And for most of the weddings I've been to, the bride and groom spend at least half the night saying hello and thanking people for coming. So it doesn't even seem like they have much fun - at least not as much fun as the guests who aren't paying for it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to criticize anyone who has big, expensive weddings. I love being a guest at them! What I'm really trying to say is that sometimes it feels like people put so much money into weddings because it's "expected." It's almost like our culture puts "peer pressure" on everyone to have these expensive weddings - even if they can't afford it. I once had a student who was going through a divorce after being married less than a year. And on top of that, she was paying off the $25,000 she charged on her credit cards for the wedding. I just felt really sorry for her. So if you agree that spending over $31,000 for one evening isn't reasonable, then why not try something different? There are many great ideas for a smaller, more cost-effective wedding.
Speaking of love, what about Valentine's Day? In theory, it's supposed to be a day to celebrate the love you have with your significant other. In other words, it's generally a romantic holiday. But don't you feel that "peer pressure" from culture to do the usual - candy, flowers, and jewelry? I know I do (minus the jewelry part). So what do you do for your partner on Valentine's Day? Do you get the usual candy and flowers? Not that those gifts aren't nice, but maybe it'd be fun to spice it up a bit! Do something different that you don't normally do on the other days of the year. There are many fun ideas that you can try. And while you're at it, think about this: why do we have one day a year in which we celebrate our love? Why don't we keep up this behavior every day? I think we should do it all the time.
Now let's talk about graduation. I teach at a university, and it always makes me a bit sad when my students tell me they aren't going to attend the commencement ceremony. Sure, they are usually long and boring, but it's a rite of passage. Just hearing "Pomp & Circumstance" play as the graduates walk in gives me chills every time. Whether you are graduating from kindergarten, high school, college, or with your Ph.D., it's a huge milestone that I think should be celebrated. Again, just like with weddings, you can be different - there are a lot of ideas and themes that you can incorporate in your celebration that are outside the norm.
And while weddings, Valentine's Day, and graduation parties are fun, don't forget the deeper meaning behind them. Sometimes we get so focused on the party or buying the perfect gift that we don't pause to think about what it all really means. For example, so many people focus on the wedding details that they forget to really talk and plan their lives with their future spouse. For example, they should have conversations about how are they going to keep their relationship healthy and happy for the rest of their lives. And also about handling finances, having kids, and communication styles. All of that and much more should be discussed before the wedding planning ever begins.
And as I said earlier, why not stop to think about how to improve your relationship on Valentine's Day? No one gives us a road map for how to have a successful, lasting, loving relationship. It's up to you and your partner. So instead of doing the cliché things on Valentine's Day, why not use the day as the first step to communicating with and staying connected to your partner? Because this holiday should be so much more than just a "Hallmark Holiday."
As for graduations, the graduates should really do some self-reflection and figure out some career and life goals. Because graduation just the beginning. We tend to think of them as an ending to our education, but it's really the start of the rest of our lives. And I can tell you from direct experience with my college students who graduate, most of them don't have a clue what they are going to do for the rest of their lives. They pretty much just let the wind blow them wherever without a lot of planning and goal-setting. And this is sad because then they find themselves hating their job or having regrets 25 or 30 years down the road.
I have always embraced doing things differently than most people. And I have always been a deep thinker as well. So that's why I always teach my students to be intentional, think, and analyze. I tell them not to just do something because everyone else does it that way. And if you do, at least know why you're doing it the same. Bottom line: whether it's a cultural celebration like these or anything else in life, don't do it with blinders on. Be intentional with your actions!