I've been coaching people on dating and sex for years, and I have a question. Am I missing something here?
Are we supposed to be talking about our sex life with everybody we meet? Are we supposed to walk up to someone we first meet at Whole Foods and say, "Hey, how are you doing? You know what? I've only slept with three women in my entire life. I'm happy to meet you. My name is David."
A woman goes to a cocktail party. Should she announce to the partygoers, "Let me tell all of you. I have only had sex with three men in my entire life." Is this okay?
I mean, first John Mayer (about whom I recently wrote) decided he was going to publicize what an amazing sex life he had with two of Hollywood's biggest "it girls." Now Megan Fox has publicly admitted that she's only had sex with two guys.
It's amazing. It seems that Hollywood has gone from diet-itis, to baby-itis, and now to sex-itis.
What's next? Will we hear Tom Cruise admit that he actually never had sex with Katie Holmes, and that baby Suri was artificially inseminated by Scientology sperm? Who knows.
What are we going to get hit with next? It used to be that the biggest "news" about celebrities was about those who were coming out of the closet.
Do you remember when Neil Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser, decided he was going to be publicly gay and all of a sudden came out of the closet? Everyone was shocked. Oh my God, not Doogie Howser! It was such a big deal for him to talk about his sexual orientation.
Now it seems that celebrities feel the need to tell the world everything about their sex lives. The newest thing is celebrities talking about with how many people they've had sex.
The question is why do we care? I don't really care how many people someone has had sex with so far in their life.
This actually relates to a much deeper topic. How many of you start dating someone, get to know them, and then when you find out how many lovers they've had you judge and evaluate them?
How many of you men always judge women based on how many men they've had sex with before they were dating you? You think, "Oh my God, she's had 10 lovers before me. I don't know how to deal with that" or "Oh man, she's slept with 15 people. I don't know if I can deal with that."
Here is how you deal with that information. You don't do anything.
Whatever happened before someone was with you really doesn't matter. If someone had sex before they were with you -- even up to the day before they were with you -- that is no reason to judge them. You didn't exist in their life at that time.
If someone had sex with 20 people before they met you, why judge them? You weren't part of their life at the time they were having sex with any of those people. The only thing you should care about is that they are no longer having sex with any of those people now that they are having sex with you.
We need to stop being such a puritanical society when it comes to sex. We need to stop judging others about their sex life.
Now, when John Mayer decided he was going to air his dirty laundry all over the place, I basically told you that was not a cool thing to do. I told you that what he did is the number one turnoff to women.
When you are dating someone, though, you should never judge them on their past. Never judge someone based on how many lovers they have had or how many relationships they have had.
Remember that everything they have experienced before being with you is a lesson they needed to learn, and something they needed to do and embrace. Everyone's experiences make them the unique person that you are falling in love with right now. So let's stop judging others and start looking at our own lives.
Oh, and if you run out of things to talk about at a cocktail party this weekend, then just be like Megan Fox and reveal your sexual past to everyone in the room. You can tell everyone, "You know I've only slept with 48 people in my life, but none yet this year. So I am looking for my first lover of 2010. Anybody want to do me tonight?"