Over the past several years I’ve encountered so many men and women who have turned to abstinence and celibacy. They’ve become sick and tired of being sick and tired in their romantic lives or they are interested in nurturing their spiritual relationship with God. I’ve recently adopted the concept and it is causing me to reflect on the decisions I’ve made in past partnerships, ultimately determining best practices for moving forward when it comes to love. To gain more insight on this transition and the journey of celibacy from an outsider’s perspective, I spoke with sex educator and pleasure expert Tyomi Morgan.
Tyomi formed Glamerotica, a sex education site for those looking to learn anything from tips in the bedroom to sexual health. Tyomi was extremely helpful in revealing how celibacy encourages personal growth and how masturbation during that time captures your sexual essence. She shared with me how her recent experience required a mindset shift, discovering a divine connection and self-empowerment unlike anything else.
“Abstinence, not to be confused with chastity and sexual purism, is the act or practice of restraining yourself from an indulgence.”
Abstinence, not to be confused with chastity and sexual purism, is the act or practice of restraining yourself from an indulgence. This could be food, alcohol, impulsive shopping, anything that should be reined in because of your excessive participation or involvement in it. Statistic Brain pulled together data from several abstinence-related sources showing 42 percent religious reasons to observing an abstinent lifestyle; however, that decision may not have as much depth or purpose associated with it as we believe.
Celibacy, for the sake of this article, is defined as the state of being voluntarily sexually abstinent for religious reasons. Practicing celibacy removes sexual activity from your lifestyle for a larger purpose, and Tyomi details why celibacy is more purposeful than abstinence.
When you are practicing celibacy, it is a personal journey and you’re abstaining from sex for a purpose. The reason why the average person is so frustrated when they’re practicing abstinence is because it is forced on them. They are not having sex because they are not in a relationship, or they haven’t found someone they’re interested in, or whatever other reason they just decided not to have sex. They’re frustrated because they are not practicing purposefully.
We have all hit a point in our lives where we decide ‘enough is enough’. After a terrible relationship experience left her at rock bottom, Tyomi decided that her approach to love had to change. With that change came an in-depth reflection on her romantic life and she was celibate for 16 months. “The self-reflection that comes with celibacy is a b*tch!” Tyomi exclaimed. “I had to be honest with myself and I was the common denominator in all of these relationships that failed so let me work on me and figure it out.”
There is constant conversation and controversy about masturbation during the celibacy period. During her time of celibacy, Tyomi had no question that masturbation was an option for releasing that sexual energy. There is no direct verse in the Bible that links the act of masturbation to sin. The act of masturbation when associated with lust is where sin comes in and there are strong recommendations that you do not do it before marriage.
Everyone’s journey is different and Tyomi views masturbation as a tool that can be used for a much greater purpose than lustful sexual release starting with believing it isn’t a sin. “Release the idea of sin in general when associated with masturbation. There is nothing sinful about connecting to your body and tapping into your essence, ultimately expressing that in the form of self-pleasure. Thinking of masturbation as sin does not serve your higher self.”
Tyomi further recommends embracing the mindset required to shift thoughts surrounding masturbation from sin to self-love; transforming your sexual energy into victorious action that manifests your dreams.
“I’ve used masturbation as a way to manifest things into my life,” Tyomi confirms.
You’re using your sexual energy, which is creative energy, to propel whatever thoughts and goals are within your mind. The goals that you spell out with your mouth or you write down in words. You’re using that energy to propel those things forward to manifest! I’ve been consistently winning! You can call it magic or whatever, but we’re practicing magic everyday when we have faith.
And Tyomi is not the first one to teach this. A writer at sex education site Omooni recently posted the ways women can manifest through the womb. It is a thing.
Pushing out your negative thoughts surrounding masturbation and self-love is just the beginning in order for you to get to the next level in your celibacy journey. This period of waiting is a sure moment for personal growth, respecting yourself, and learning to love yourself first to the highest degree. Tyomi has learned her own lessons and continues to ensure her experiences with love are healing and good for her.
At first I was saying that I wanted to wait until marriage but I observed that idea was rooted in fear, which is not healthy. ‘What if you go back to having sex and fall into the same patterns you were in?’ That was my ego speaking to me but I’ve gathered that I’m not the same person I was before this journey so I’m not going to do that.