Did Jesus Eat Chick-fil-A at the Last Supper?

I ate at a Chick-fil-A restaurant the other day and my life was transformed. You see, at Chick-fil-A you get so much more than mouthwatering, delicious fast food. In addition to chicken, biscuits and fries, you also get a whopping helping of evangelism. Wow! There is no reason to go to church anymore. I can get my dose of religion and values by driving through my local Chick-fil-A!

In a recent interview with Baptist Press, Chick-fil-A's president Dan Cathy says that the restaurant is based on biblical principles: "Our work should be an act of worship. Our work should be our mission field ... If you're obedient to God you are going to be evangelistic in the quality of the work you do, using that as a portal to share [Christ]." Chick-fil-A's mission statement is to be "America's best quick-service restaurant," and there is nothing more effective for quick service than evangelism! Brilliant! The next time I order myself up a Spicy Chicken Sandwich Deluxe and those yummy Waffle Potato Fries, I hope my server will share some biblical wisdom with me. I'll have a side order of Deuteronomy, please!

Mr. Cathy is "guilty as charged" when it comes to supporting the traditional family, so I am hopeful he can teach me the true meaning of marriage. I want to be a good Christian fast-food eater! And, of course, it makes perfect sense to me that the president of a fast-food chicken establishment would be the person to turn to when wanting to know more about marriage. So, my question is this: When Mr. Cathy says that Chick-fil-A is very supportive of the "biblical definition of the family unit," to which definition is he referring? I have found several in the Bible. Abraham, David, Jacob and Solomon all had multiple wives. Is this what he means? There are also examples of husbands with concubines in the Bible. I am a little confused here. The Chick-fil-A website says that the restaurant is "committed to encouraging families to come together while enjoying great food," so I am not sure which of my families I should bring. My multiple wives or my concubines? Please enlighten me, Mr. Cathy, because I want to order up some of those lip-smackin' Chick-n-Minis responsibly, in the way that God intends.

In another interview, Mr. Cathy said that "we are inviting God's judgment on our nation" when it comes to gay marriage. My question here is: are gay people allowed to eat Chick-fil-A? The company gave millions to anti-gay causes last year, so do they want these heathens buying their sandwiches? Are there any biblical passages referring to quick service and homosexuality?

Since Mr. Cathy is an expert on the Bible and on food, I hope he can also explain how to deal with the fact that some of Chick-fil-A's offerings do not seem to follow biblical dietary laws. For instance, in Leviticus 11:7 it says, "And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you." But at Chick-fil-A, I can order up a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit. Swine is forbidden, but bacon is OK, is that right? Oh, teach me, Mr. Cathy, teach me! Remember: Your fast-food restaurant is my portal to Christ!

Mr. Cathy thanks the Lord that "we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles." And I thank the Lord that I live in a country where fast food is a place of judgment and where chicken sandwiches bring me closer to the Almighty God.