Chickenhawks Have An Army, Too

After decades of being a decentralized, scattered force of armchair warriors, Chickenhawks now have a place to go. A place in which they can pretend to serve their country without fear of injury or self-respect. And no, that place isn't the Army or the Marines. It's certainly not in Iraq where a guy could get himself killed -- why risk losing the deposit on the rented flightsuits to the destructive force of a sandstorm or an IED. Heck no.

Chickenhawks of the nation, I give you "Gallagher's Army".

If Bush's America is the movie "Outbreak", and Chickenhawkism is the Motaba Virus, then radio talk show host Mike Gallagher is the monkey. No wait, Bush is probably the monkey. Or maybe Rush Limbaugh. On second thought, it could be Dick Cheney or Bill O'Reilly. Sean Hannity as The Monkey! So there's a lot of monkeys and the analogy doesn't quite work. You get the idea.

Origins aside, this guy could be the Grand Wizard of Chickenhawks. Your commander, General Mike Gallagher:


The latest mission of "Gallagher's Army": The Pro America Bus Tour to Crawford Friday night to counter the efforts of Cindy Sheehan (and to score some extra points with Arbitron). As Hunter from Daily Kos points out, this begs the question: Is Cindy Sheehan, who lost her son in the Iraq War, anti-American? Hunter also points out that Gallagher never served, and his service-aged children aren't serving in Iraq.

Go to Mike's site and enlist now, Chickenhawks of the nation. You'll receive your very own uniform made of a finely woven blend of polyester and bullshit; a supersoaker with a year's supply of mercury-contaminated water; the official Rush Limbaugh Pilonidal Cyst Seat Cushion; and a wad of tissues sized to fit comfortably within your underpants (the Chickenhawk uniform code smartly requests "front side only, please").

Most of all, you won't have to serve in the real military. Because you're already serving... serving the cause of ultimate hypocrisy.