China Swaps US Debt for Equity: All Problems Solved!

(Reuterz, Washington D.C. )

Goldman Sachs has announced that its Treasury Dept. has completed a debt for equity swap with the People's Republic of China, effectively solving most of America's problems.

Terms of the deal give China all U.S. States, territories and possessions west of the Mississippi River -- plus Michigan -- in exchange for cancellation of the trillions of Treasury debt they currently hold.

"This solves nearly all of our problems," said a joyful President Obama. "It eliminates our foreign debt and our trade deficit; We will now only owe ourselves and sell to ourselves!"

A White House spokesperson noted that "future threats of military attack by North Korea or China have also disappeared." He continued, "Now that the U.S. is part of China, the North Koreans wouldn't dare launch any missiles, and for China to attack itself would just be silly."

Congressional leadership had initially opposed the surrender of half the country until it was pointed out they were now free to run up the national debt again and "Spend, spend, spend!"

For its role in the arrangement, Goldman Sachs compensation is estimated to be Florida.