The presidential election still has 73 days to go. If we don’t get a better handle on political discourse, this election will threaten to embitter and possibly end relationships between friends, spouses and colleagues. Such a contentious and divisive political cycle has polarized our country and our pitted sister against sister, husband against wife and friends against each other. Unfriending on Facebook or Unfollowing on Twitter is just the tip of the iceberg. People are frustrated, fearful and fed up, and it’s hitting as close as the bedrooms, boardrooms and beaches this summer.
Are you feeling alienated from people whose political opinions differ from yours or who support a different candidate?
Are you withdrawing from people who express beliefs you find incomprehensible? Do you roll your eyes with contempt and tune them out? Do you yell and call them names such as stupid, dangerous or crazy? Do you think they’re all that’s wrong in the world?
Welcome to the Election 2016.
As a therapist who specializes in relationship conflict, I have a few tips to get us through the next couple of months with our relationships and sanity intact. The election will end on November 8, but a broken relationship may be beyond repair and last forever and cause hurt for years.
Here’s how to embrace your political differences and actually strengthen your relationships while giving full voice to the important issues you believe in.
- Don’t try to persuade anyone of anything. Your job is not to change people’s opinions, fix their problems, or lead them to the light. The only objective is to express your point of view and be understood. That goes both ways. Understanding is the key to all healthy dialogue, not compromise, capitulation or conversion.
- Assume the best in your opponent. Respect each other as someone trying to resolve an issue they care deeply about. Although they may be misguided, they are not stupid, crazy or dangerous. Unless they really are, and then why are you talking to them anyway?
- Give up the need to be right or to adopt a moralistic tone. Don’t be condescending or contemptuous or tune people out. Stay calm so you can carefully construct the counter-argument that shows you know your stuff. Listen to each other, find common ground and maybe even open your mind to a new perspective. In darkness there is light….sometimes.
- Repair what is broken. Most relationships go through bumpy patches. Relationships that cannot withstand differences aren’t much of a relationship to begin with. Reach out to repair hurt feelings. Resolve to keep the connection despite your differences.
- Never fight at dinner or before sex. Or after sex. Or when you’ve been drinking. Or when you’re driving. Or in front of the kids.
May we find common ground and renew our commitment to each other to keep our relationships strong and to work together for greater understanding among families, friends and neighbors.