Getting rolled in — August 8, 2013
When the flight attendant gives you instructions on how to react in a state of emergency they instruct you to secure your own safety before taking care of your child. The reason is because you need to be in a state where you are able to take care of your child. Two colleagues used this valid argument pleading with me to finally go to the doctor after living years knowing that there was something wrong with my heart. I finally surrendered and made that nuisance of an appointment. I don't like going to the doctor. Immediately after hooking me up to an EKG the nurse made a phony excuse to hastily leave the room and bring back the doctor. I was promptly given a diagnosis and a referral to a cardiologist.
The first thing I did was google the disease I was diagnosed with. Most people catch it much sooner -- I was pretty late in the game. As I continued to read I noticed one of the side effects listed sudden death — among other typical bad things that you never want to think about -- especially in your twenties!
I got in with a great cardiologist who I found out later, other (older than me) friends used as well and were very happy with. The surgery was scheduled. I had a will written and a few extra legal provisions put in place for my two little children as it was advised to make sure everything was in order "just in case" — “especially since I was the only parent.”
A week or two before the big event I lost two of my biggest clients at work -- or in other words my income would drop ridiculously right before surgery -- and with a physical recovery a financial recovery would be almost impossible. I tried to keep my spirits up. God would never do anything to harm me, right?
Well, there wasn't much time left before I would be heading in, and then I would need to take it easy and recover in the upcoming weeks. It was a Saturday. I would get up before the kids woke up, mow the lawn, do laundry and the dishes, and take them to Flo's pool! We would have a great day, and nothing would get us down!
I went to mow the lawn. The lawn mower died. That's ok. God obviously planned for my lawn mower to die. I could always borrow someone else's lawnmower. Don't stress it. Don't be upset. All things work together for our good!
I threw the laundry in the washer -- nothing is going to stop me from being productive. I will get the laundry and the dishes done, and then we will be off to Flo's pool! Of course. The washing machine died! I kind of couldn't believe it at this point.
I started washing the dishes (I can't believe all the dishes didn't break). Thoughts of fear started invading. I just lost two of my biggest clients and obviously would soon be out on the streets with my two children (dramatic I know), my lawnmower died, I obviously would not have the funds to repair or replace it now -- that lawnmower was always having problems, why do bad things always happen to me? How will I do my laundry now??? I can't afford to repair or replace that either. This isn't looking like a good way to go in to heart surgery. I really hope I filled out my will correctly and that there is no fighting about where my kids are going if the surgery turns out anything like my career, my lawnmower, my washing machine, or my bank account. Tears started to mix in with the dishwater.
My hands reached up towards heaven. Dirty water and soap ran down/up my arms. "Thank you God for taking away those clients -- I know you have something better for me and that they are not what You have in store for me now. Thank you God for taking away my lawnmower -- maybe You just wanted to give me a break from mowing the lawn, and really the grass is only here today and gone tomorrow, right? Thank you God for taking away my washing machine -- I hate doing laundry anyway, and I know that you will never do anything to harm me. I know that You do not want me to have that washing machine right now so I surrender it to you. God thank you for my upcoming heart surgery, and thank you for things like wills and other things we can put in place. Thank you for all of these things!! Thank You for YOUR promise to carry us through EVERYTHING!"
In the midst of some stress, God filled me with comfort and joy. A dear friend and father figure from church had reached out to see how I was doing. Of course I was fine, I'm always fine, plus I have an enormous ego that will never let me answer anything but "I'm fine." I finally texted back asking if he could take a look at my lawnmower. He did. The lawnmower was toast. He mowed my lawn with his mower instead -- I guess God did want to give me a break from mowing the lawn! He then took a look at my washing machine -- also toast! Laundry at moms it is!! And guess what??? She even folded the laundry for me while I was at work!!!! God had my laundry taken care of for me too.
The next week my "other dad" from church asked me if I had bought a new washing machine yet. I laughed on the inside -- please that's not even an option, I'm a completely broke single mom that just lost her clients and is headed for heart surgery. Well... someone I don't know wanted to bless someone with $1,000. For the first time in my life I picked out a brand new washing machine, had it delivered and installed, and even got a warranty with it! WOW I got my laundry done for me AND I got a better washing machine at no cost. God knows better always. Then, my "other dad" and his gorgeous wife went out on a date. On the date they stopped by Home Depot before stopping by my house, and dropping off and setting up my first ever BRAND NEW lawnmower! Obviously God wanted me to take a break from mowing the lawn, and didn't want me to have to deal with my lawnmower that was constantly breaking down. God is good all the time. *You're welcome for the free date suggestion*
Well, the day was coming. But it hadn't arrived just yet. Before the big day my phone rang. That proposal I had written up and presented for a would-be client 6 months ago -- they were ready to move forward with it, and it was a bigger contract than the two I had lost put together.
"Leah, I will not leave you lawnmower-less, washing machine-less, or income-less. What makes you would think I wouldn't guide those doctors hands as you lie on the table? Do you see how I ALWAYS take care of you?"
As you can guess, the surgery went well -- of course there were complications along the way, but not only did I get a new washing machine, a new lawn mower, and a new client, I now had a "like new" heart.
Since I have that stubborn ego problem I refused any meals or rides that were offered to me, and only finally accepted them once I realized how badly I needed them. Once again my church and family swooped in to save the day.
Ultimately, God is always faithful. We may find ourselves questioning circumstances and loss as we go through them, but EVERY SINGLE TIME we can look back and see His hand working for our good. Sometimes it takes a bit longer than we would like (just ask Joseph) but the common thread is that He is always good, and creates a plan to work things for our good, whether it be unpleasant pruning, excruciating growing pains, or a refining fire. God is always good. God took away and restored things from my life and in doing so not only did I walk away better provided for, but I was also better prepared for the operating table with a deeper and great faith — a faith you can’t learn by reading a book, but a faith that was learned through experience and personal provision. God always knows best.
Today marks four years since my heart surgery. My next appointment with my cardiologist is never. Now — I’m taking steps in life I would never have chosen to take, knowing that God is always faithful and KNOWING that all things DO work together for our good.