Who said that August is a slow news month? Hard on the heels of our national obsession with the Montauk Monster comes more cryptozoology, this time from Dewitt County, Texas, where the local constabulary believes they have caught the legendary El Chupacabra on video, probably saying "Whitey." CNN has the video and has been covering the matter scrupulously this morning.
El Chupacabra, which translates to "goat sucker" (and is thus Mickey Kaus' zoological opposite), is best known as an urban legend -- as CNN's Ed Lavandera once termed it, the "Bigfoot of Latino Culture." At one point, "El Chupacabra" was thought to be some sort of extra-terrestrial being. In fact, the X Files took up the matter in a Season Four episode titled "El Mundo Gira," but they did so half-heartedly and ineptly (in the episode, the story shifts from full-on El Chupacabra speculations to a mawkish plot about immigration and a pair of Latinos who slowly turn into giant sprigs of asparagus).
However, ever since the state of Texas got a hold of the myth, they've recast the goat-sucker as some sort of "demon dog," which has allowed them to look past the obvious explanation for the creature seen in the video, namely, that it's a coyote with a scorching case of sarcoptic mange.
Still, this sighting raises questions. Like: Why won't Barack Obama end his vacation to provide America with a plan to defeat the Chupacabras? And: wouldn't a coyote with sarcoptic mange be an infinitely better vice presidential choice than Mitt Romney? These are the queries that I hope you will fill Jack Cafferty's inbox with today.