COMEDY

Colbert Flips DADT: Openly Gay Soldiers Perfect For Covert Ops (VIDEO)

Last night on "The Colbert Report," after Jon Stewart defended Stephen Colbert's Congressional testimony on his program, Colbert took some time to discuss another hot button political issue: The failed repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell."

First, Colbert celebrated his party's halting of the repeal of the military policy, which allows gays to serve in the military under the condition that sexuality is not discussed or displayed. "In your face, gays!" Colbert said, "But not in a gay way."

Still, Colbert acknowledges the current problems with the DADT system, such as Major Mike Almy's case, a gay soldier who was ousted from the military after private emails were read under suspicion of his homosexuality, which they proved. John McCain said simply that invading privacy under these circumstances is "not policy."

"Of course, the military never does anything that's not official policy," Colbert said, following with headlines about a secret war in Yemen, and a snatch and grab operation in Pakistan, among other secretive missions. Colbert's solution? Why not transfer all gay soldiers to these "non-existent units?"

"Allow them to be openly gay," Colbert said, "But make them stay in the closet for being soldiers."

Based on years of having to live a double life and adopt local customs "like pretending to like a football team," Colbert believes many of our nation's gay soldiers already have sufficient training for secret missions. Who better to conduct our covert ops?

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