You know, I've always wanted to go to San Diego Comic-Con. Well, that is, until I started to know more and more people who have been to Comic-Con.
You see, I'm the type of person who enjoys some sort of controlled organization. And from what I've heard, no matter how well I prepare, it's not going to matter. (Oh, I also enjoy a good night's sleep, too, which I've been told won't happen.)
On Wednesday morning I will fly to San Diego to attend Comic-Con for the first time. While I'm there, I will write things and interview famous people so that you can read them. And I already know that I will do many, many things wrong. But, hopefully, I'll do a couple of things right, too. Hopefully, together, we can all make it through the next five days as peacefully as possible. But, that doesn't mean I'm not fretting. In fact, here are the eight things that are frightening me the most about Comic-Con.
Almost every horror story that I've ever heard about Comic-Con somehow involves Hall H. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if upon arriving in San Diego, I discover that Hall H doesn't even exist; it's just an urban legend used to fool unsuspecting, naïve, native Midwesterners like myself. "Nah, that's just an old wives' tale," a seemingly-harmless-but-is-hiding-a-deadly-secret local will tell me. "Actually, most of the panels happen in Alleyway G, right over there," he points. I cautiously make my way to Alleyway G, looking for the Django Unchained panel -- only, instead, I am horrified to find the decayed corpse of the 2010 Green Lantern panel. (Or, at least, it could happen like that.)
My Twilight knowledge is lacking.
One of the most popular panels this year will be the one for Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Now, I have seen every Twilight movie. (In fact, I watched them all in one day.) So, yeah, I was feeling pretty OK about this until earlier today when Chris Rosen mentioned, "Hey, Renesmee will be at the panel." To which I responded, "I don't know what that is." Alas. Apologies in advance, Twilight fans. I will do my best.
I have mixed feelings on early movie footage, which is kind of a big part of Comic-Con. OK, let's put it this way: Imagine that you're looking forward to an AFC divisional playoff game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Kansas City Chiefs. What if NFL commissioner Roger Goodell offered you the chance to see some of the most exciting plays from that very game a week before the game happens? Now, in no way would any of these plays give away the outcome of the game, so there would be no motivation from a gambling standpoint. All it would do is allow you to tell your friends, "Boy, you will not believe the play that Joe Flacco makes at some point during the game next week." So, you will have some sort of minor bragging rights, but the surprise of that play is forever ruined for you.
Early Iron Man 3 footage.
Having said all that, I am actually looking forward to the Iron Man 3 footage. And for no other reason than that a Marvel publicist told me that it's "awesome." Which means that (A) I am easily swayed and/or manipulated and that (B) if Roger Goodell promised me that the early highlights were "awesome," I'd probably watch them.
Not seeing The Hobbit footage.
Yes, I admit, I want to see this, too -- but not because any of the above reasons. I do want to see it because of the whole 48 frames per second format that people either really love or really hate. Sadly, unless a very nice person at Warner Bros. approves me for a reserved seat, the chances of seeing this are very slim, due to scheduling conflicts.
I have been told three separate times to bring Purell, because of "germs." Seriously, I have no idea what this means as opposed to the germs in my day-to-day life and I am extremely frightened to find out.
OK, lines -- we all deal with them. And I'm fine, for the most part, with waiting in them. But I've heard they are quite excessive in this case and I'm expected to file stories in a timely manner. In other words: I don't want my first three posts from San Diego to be, "Exclusive: I'm waiting in a line ... developing."
I like to be the person who "doesn't care about parties." Because, you know, that's a cool outlook on life. Put it this way: Did The Fonz care about parties? No. Do you know why? Because The Fonz is cool. My problem is that I am not The Fonz. And, since I am a human being, I have a bad habit of feeling sad after learning that I wasn't invited to a party -- which happens a lot. So, if you need to find me after hours, I'll most likely be in my room, forlorn, working or watching JAG (is that still on?) or doing whatever it is that people do at Comic Con when they are alone and scared (masturbate?). If nothing else, maybe I'll be invited to the corpse of the Green Lantern panel party, which should be fun.
Mike Ryan is senior entertainment writer for The Huffington Post. He really is looking forward to Comic-Con, honest, but he tends to fret. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.