Comparing Bernie Sanders To Hillary Clinton And Also My Ex Donna

sen. hillary clinton  speaks at ...
sen. hillary clinton speaks at ...

Though it does not contain nearly the amount of potential candidates as its Republican counterpart, the race for the 2016 Democratic nomination is divisive. Early on, it seemed that Hillary Clinton would run away with the election. However, Bernie Sanders has emerged as a viable candidate. Both of them have legitimate shots at becoming the 45th president of the United States, unlike my ex Donna, who probably won't ever be president of anything, let alone the free world. Here's a comparison of the three.

Top Donors
Hillary Clinton has come under fire from left wing voters recently when it was revealed that her top donors were major corporations, including Citigroup Inc, Goldman Sachs, and Time Warner. Conversely, Bernie Sanders's top funders are from much smaller, working-class groups like Machinists/Aerospace Workers Union, the Laborers Union, and Carpenters & Joiners Union. My ex Donna's biggest donors seem to be whatever unlucky sap she's dating. Donna expects every meal and drink she gets to just get bought for her by her boyfriends, and doesn't even say thank you. On top of all of that, she insists on getting appetizers, even though we're getting free bread anyways. She neither finishes her main course, nor requests a to-go box.

Domestic Surveillance
When presented with the Patriot Act in 2001, Bernie Sanders was 1 of 66 members of the House of Representatives to vote against it. He has since been one of the loudest voices in Washington against the government spying on electronic devices. Clinton voted in favor of the Patriot Act, as well as its reauthorization 6 years later. My ex Donna didn't vote on the Patriot Act at all, but she would probably be super for it, considering how she always steals my phone and reads my texts to see if I'm cheating. Then, she'll accuse me of cheating because I happen to have friends that are girls. Meanwhile, she has Tinder on her phone, but she swears it's just to "boost her confidence."

War and Peace
Sanders is about as anti-war anyone in Washington, and has gone out of his way to limit a president's ability to declare war without Senate approval. Clinton's stance on war has been somewhat muddled. She voted in favor of the Iraq war in 2002, but has since stated that she "flat out got it wrong." I'm not totally sure what Donna feels on war, but she certainly feels the need to hold grudges a lot. Like, this one time I just suggested we get a slice of pizza, and she went on this twenty-minute rant about how I "know" she's "gluten intolerant." To this day she uses that as an example for me not listening. Imagine that dealing with the Middle East. It'd be a train wreck.

LGBTQ Marriage
All three of them claim to be in favor of marriage equality, but I'm like 80% sure I heard Donna say some off handed things about these roller bladers we walked by once.

The Big Takeaway
The Democratic Debates will be of the upmost importance for both candidates in the fall. It'll be a tough pick for moderate liberals. On the bright side, Donna is not running for president.

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Donna if you're reading this, I miss us).