Throughout the next few months, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, "Teen Sex: It's Complicated." All of the authors are teenagers who have agreed to be published anonymously. If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here.
By Brooke, 18
To me, sex means... well, waiting. I know that may seem strange to people, and the urge to disagree may immediately come to mind, but to me, that's what I always think of. I come from a Christian family so having sex outside of marriage is highly frowned upon. However, although I disagree with the way it comes across from some uneducated Christian's points of view (for example, "you're going to hell if you have sex before you're married"), I do believe that it's backed up with good intentions.
I admit, even as a teenage Christian female, the urge to have sex in the generation and society I live in is quite the struggle to deal with. Whether your friends are believers or not, everyone is going to wonder whether or not you're a virgin. Some more "godly" people will expect you to be one and look down upon you if you're not, yet people with different beliefs will tell me that "it's a must..." or "you're missing out!" Society tends to degrade you whether you choose to be a virgin or not.
For me, I'm proud to say I'm still a virgin. Go ahead... laugh! I don't mind one bit. Want to know why? Because I could choose to lose my virginity now and be intimate with some guy who clearly isn't the one I'm going to marry, have it all be a good time for a little while, and then move on to the next one. I could give my body away to guys who will eventually mature, become more wise, and actually fall in love for real later down the road. And hopefully, the same will happen for me as well. Then, we'll both have to walk the painful walk of shame and explain to our partner how we didn't wait for them because we chose someone over them before we even met, which I'm sure for them is going to be just as painful (if they waited for you all that time) when they have to hear you explain it all to them.
Or I could choose to wait for the one I'm going to marry and spend the rest of my life with and be intimate with him and only him. I'll proudly be able to give him the gift I waited "x" amount of years for: my virginity. And you know what? It's gonna be awesome! I know he will be thankful at the thought that I saved my entire body and emotionally intimate attachment for him my entire life.
Quite honestly, as a girl whose hormones rage for a good week every other month or so, the last thing I need to worry about is sex. Why get so emotionally and intimately attached with someone who most likely won't be with you (or maybe even remember you) a week, maybe a month down the road? To me, it's not worth the pain. I'd rather say I waited for my husband and took on the struggle of practicing patience then deal with that emotional and physical destruction later on. If that means that I'll get looked down upon by my friends or society now... then so be it. I won't care what their opinions are about my sex life when I'm happily in love and married when the time comes.
The fact of the matter is, sex isn't everything. At least for me, it seems like more pain than gain as of right now. When I'm married and with the love of my life forever, then it's going to be awesome because I know it's going to be with the person it was meant to be with all along. Sometimes, we need to look past our own selfish, lustful desires and just... be patient.
I would rather skip the "okay" for the "best" any day.
- "I Expected A Monumental Change In Myself After Sex"
- "Immediately After Sex, He Stopped Talking To Me"
- "The Act Of Sex Scares Me"
- "I Slept Around Because Sex Didn't Feel Like A Big Deal"
- "Being A Virgin Sucks, But I'm Still Waiting"
- "There's No One I Can Talk To About Sex"
- "In Eighth Grade, I Signed A Celibacy Contract"
- "I Feel Like I'm The Only One Who Doesn't Regret Having Sex"
- "I Thought I Was Ready To Lose My Virginity"
- "Sex Is A Symbol Of Popularity At My School"
- "It Seemed Like Sex Was Some Kind Of Boulder Hanging Over Us"
- "I Argue With Myself Every Day About Losing My Virginity"
- "I'm Staying A Virgin So I Don't Disappoint My Family"
- "Sex Was Nothing To Me"
- "Sometimes, I Don't Know What To Believe When It Comes To Sex"