I was born bald as a cue ball and stayed that way until I was around 2 years old -- my mother used to attach bows to my head using scotch tape because there was zero hair to tie anything to.
I spent my elementary school years with thick, coarse, wavy hair. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking of Mom brushing it up into pigtails, finishing it off with that weird '70s yarn all the girls wore.
Then, puberty hit. And my hair got curly and gigantic. It was the '80s and the era of my hair was born for had finally arrived.
Sure, there are may breeds of curly-haired girls -- the ones with the soft flowy waves, the air-dry-onlys, the natural run-your-hands-through-my-hair girls. But that was never me.
Today, as an adult in the year 2015, I remain a proud, big-haired girl. In photos, my head is usually double the size of anyone else's.
Us curly-haired girls have some secrets (at least I do) that may surprise you when it comes to our hair care regimen.
We don't wash our hair a lot.
Every other day? Nope. Every other-other day? Nuh-uh. I wash my hair twice a week, sometimes once. It always looks best on day three, don't ask me why. I read something where Lorde says she can go a whole month sans shampoo -- she is my current curly-haired-hero.
You wouldn't believe the amount of hair we lose when we do wash our hair.
I go through my hair when the conditioner is in it with an old school Goody pick that I've been using since Jimmy Carter was president. This is how I brush my hair. And you would not believe the amount of hair that I "pick" out of my head. Rather than let it go down the drain, I collect it in a pile and throw it away when I get out of the shower. It's gross.
We do not own a hairbrush.
When we get a haircut, sometimes the stylist will blow our hair out straight and we get asked these four questions:
• Will your hair get curly again?
• Is that a new hairdo?
• How did that happen?
• Why did you do that?
Cocktails in the morning.
I don't know any curly-haired women who don't use a mixture or "cocktail" of styling products on their wet head to prepare their curls for the blow dryer. I am a loyal follower of Catwalk by Tigi's Curls Rock Amplifier along with a few drops of Biosilk Silk Therapy plus a dash of Argan Oil. On the rocks. With salt.
Our tools look different.
This is my hairdryer. It looks like a big microphone/lollipop. It's the best.
So, now you have some insight, some secrets, a look into the life of the elusive and untamed naturally curly, big-haired girl. For me, today is a hair wash day -- excuse me as I gather my tools and prepare for battle.
And check in with me on day three, because it will be perfection.
Lori's website, Drawn to the '80s, is where her 5-year-old draws the greatest music hits of the 1980's. Her blog, Once Upon a Product, is where she writes about important things like beauty products, food and her Mick Jagger obsession.