Congress Grills Muppets Over 'Leftist' Leanings, Personal Relationships

A contentious hearing broke out yesterday on Capitol Hill when the House Select Committee To Protect American Culture followed up on the Fox News story asserting the new Muppets movie, and the Muppets in general, had a leftist, anti-corporate agenda.

Committee members leveled a variety of pointed questions at the witnesses, questioning their coloring, religious beliefs, speech habits and views on public issues.

In addition, committee members suggested that federal stimulus funds had been wasted to repave Sesame Street and called for an accounting of all the funds. "We need a full accounting of every federal stimulus dime spent on the repaving of Sesame Street," one committee member said, while another called any stimulus money spent on Sesame Street "a boondoggle" and another asked whether "Sesame Street played host to Illegal aliens?"

Kermit the Frog, the unofficial leader of the group, was the target of many of the questions. He was asked to elaborate on his time as a community organizer on Sesame Street, and at one point a committee member asked, "Is it not true, Mr. The Frog, that thanks to affirmative action, it is, in fact, easier being green?" The congressman added, "Well I believe that being green is a choice, Mr. The Frog."

He was also asked to tell the Committee "more about this rainbow connection you're promoting among our children," and to describe for the Committee "this 'Great Muppet Caper' allegedly perpetrated by you and your associates." Frog's personal life also came under criticism, as one Committee member asked, "Mr. Frog is it true that you are in a relationship with a member of another species. Have you no shame, sir?"

Miss Piggy, another leading member of the Muppet conspiracy, also came in for direct questioning. At one point she was asked, "By refusing to marry or take your longterm partner's name, are you promoting a radical feminist agenda?" Another Committee member zeroed in on her personal habits: "Miss Piggy, isn't your extravagant wardrobe a repudiation of your leftist leanings," to which she could only reply: " Moi?" Romantically linked to Kermit, Miss Piggy was challenged: "Miss Piggy, are you saying that a relationship between a frog and a pig does not undermine American values?" Another committee member said, "By refusing to marry or take your long term partner's name, are you promoting a radical feminist agenda?" When it was suggested she was in "contempt of Congress," Miss Piggy replied, "Of course. Who isn't?"

Sam the Eagle also came in for criticism, with one member of the panel saying, "I want to say that I'm a huge fan, but we need to confirm the authenticity of your birth certificate." Another told the eagle, "No, Mr. Eagle, I do not believe you can simultaneously hold left-wing and right-wing views. That's a flight of fancy."

Mr. Animal at one point was asked to refer to himself "by name instead of your minority group," and was admonished by the Committee chairman to "refrain from eating the witness table." In another breach of Congressional decorum, witness Fozzie Bear was asked to "remove that banana from your ear."

It was unclear what the next step would be as follow up, although two Committee members were clearly frustrated. Rep. Statler: "I move these hearings end." Rep. Waldorf: "They never should have started."

(Note for those without a sense of humor. This is not real. The quotations are taken from the #gopmuppethearings thread on Twitter.)