Constructive Tension (Ease vs. Ambition)

Constructive Tension (Ease vs. Ambition)
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

At one point about a dozen years ago, I bought oceanfront property on a remote island in Bahia in Brazil. My imagined goal was to live much of the year there. I would swim and have a horse (there are no cars on this island). I would have dogs. My life would follow the rhythms of nature and the rhythms of the sleepy tropical community. I would have time to exercise, ride, swim and read. I would write (productivity's remaining pull) and, perhaps, take pictures. Counting on the advent of reliable internet, I'd communicate via social media and email with my friends (and editors) around the world. There would be space for guests -- and even for a partner, should he come to exist. Once or twice a year, I'd return to New York to see friends and theater and also travel to Europe or further abroad. A nice picture, an ideal picture of ease, with its strong pull towards focusing on relaxation and beauty.

Then, life intervened. I became more involved in work in New York City. I started a relationship with a wonderful man, who is driven by great ambition fueled by extraordinary talent. And, with his encouragement to step into my own talents and size, I began to shift where I thought I was headed.

It is not uncommon to have seemingly opposing aspirations or goals that create what feels like a built in conflict. As an alternative perspective, we can look at this as a 'constructive tension', a way to resolve opposites into a balance of sorts. For me the overriding tension is between Ease and Ambition (capitalization intended).

I want Ease and simultaneously, there is another powerful aspect of my being, a drive to be productive, to produce work and to be of service.

So, as I helped my partner see the benefits of taking breaks and vacations, he inspired my desire and my passion for creative action.

A vocation, designing my own spaces, became an opportunity to design for others. Publishing these projects led to a column as The DesignShrink for Oprah's short-lived shelter magazine O AT HOME. Writing became a vehicle for expressing my view on life, particularly, my astonishment that I was alive and healthy and approaching 60. THE NEW 60 was first a column for the Advocate and The Good Men Project and then a book: THE NEW 60: OUTLIVING YOURSELF AND REINVENTING A FUTURE. Writing became not an aspiration but an active reality. (I continue to write for The Huffington Post and other outlets; I'm working on a memoir).

Ambition yielded exciting movement and productivity. Then, how did I incorporate Ease?

Stephen Levine wrote a book titled: A YEAR TO LIVE. It posits a question: If you knew you had one year to live in perfect health and then would die suddenly (and painlessly) what would you like that year to look like? What would you change in your life?

I have seen this question examined by a group in a workshop: The answers vary.

Some people would make radical changes: leave their marriage or quit their job immediately. Others would make more subtle changes, continue much as things are, professionally and personally. For me, the immediate response was I'd both continue my work and I'd travel extensively.

The next week I took this insight and renegotiated my agreement at the organization where I worked part-time, so that I'd have the option to take up to 6 additional weeks off each year.

International travel is a passion. I consider it an important, if not necessary, counterbalance to my (often intense) work as a psychotherapist, crisis counselor and group and workshop facilitator. It feeds my soul.

This year, for example, I have traveled to Cuba, sailed in Turkey and at the end of the month I'll be heading to Sicily. I've also made business trips to Santa Fe and Miami. Time away gives me perspective on my life, my work and it offers me the chance to unplug.

A few years ago when I spent 2 weeks sailing in Turkey, I went offline: No emails, no social media, no phone. I needed to reconnect with not being connected.

It used to be, when I went abroad, I knew I'd be unreachable for days, even weeks at a time -- and that was part of the benefit. Today, we are reachable almost everywhere 24/7. Therefore, it is up to us to set boundaries and render technology neutral -- having it reflect our priorities and choices -- not being at its "mercy."

The balance between ambition and ease is not constant. Periodically, I have to step back and look at that relative balance, or lack thereof. As with most things, it's a practice of mindfulness and recalibration.

The tension between Ease and Ambition energizes my life and challenges me to be more awake: to be both productive and recreative!

What might be your collision of opposites that can be redefined as "constructive tension"?

Popular in the Community

Close

HuffPost Shopping’s Best Finds

MORE IN LIFE