The rules of nature dictate that a child with a crayon will either use it to color on the walls or attempt to consume it as a snack ... or so the funny parents on Twitter would have you believe.
In honor of National Crayon Day, we’ve rounded up 35 tweets from parents about these colorful waxy sticks. From broken crayon meltdowns to restaurant coloring mishaps, there’s something for everyone.
My toddler is trying to put away her crayons in a box with no bottom
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2016
I’d help her, but she’s too happy
She thinks she has infinite crayons
Those household cleaner ads are so unrealistic because when the parents are scrubbing crayon off the walls the kid is standing there alive.
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) September 8, 2015
My toddler is pretty particular about the brand of chicken nuggets I offer her for somebody who just ate a crayon.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 13, 2017
One tricky thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 11, 2018
My toddler was eating a crayon so she got her daily serving of greens today, blues too.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 5, 2020
"Nope."
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) June 9, 2018
~My two-year old, trying to justify he didn't draw on the table with a red crayon while HOLDING A RED CRAYON.
Are you even a mom if you don't pull a crayon from your purse to sign your receipt at Target?
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) March 31, 2017
Me: Who drew on the wall?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 8, 2018
3-year-old: The crayon.
Me: By itself?
3: It's a bad crayon.
I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but don’t get your kids off brand crayons for back to school.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 25, 2018
I still remember the day youth culture left me behind. Oct 11, 2003: Crayola introduces a new crayon color called "Jazzberry Jam."
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 12, 2016
Parenting: Does anyone know how to get crayon out....of everything?
— CurrentlyCaprece (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 1, 2016
"Don't feed your sister crayons!"
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 13, 2016
That concludes today's edition of Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Yell at My Kids
me (fixing him with my death stare): don’t push me, you have no idea how badass I can be...
— bacon popsicle 🥪 (@Gupton68) May 26, 2020
*snaps a crayon in half*
3: *cries*
[later]
*apologises to crayon whilst taping it back together*
We could take our kids to a restaurant tonight or cut out the middle man & just spill a drink, throw crayons under the table & light $60 on fire.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 8, 2019
The trick to getting your kids to eat more vegetables is to mix them in with their favorite foods. For example, I like to wedge a few carrot sticks into my daughter's crayon box.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 17, 2019
[Before kids, laying in bed]
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 18, 2019
WHAT is the meaning of life?
[After kids, laying in bed]
HOW did they get crayon on the ceiling?
When my kids ask about the good ol' days, I tell a story of how I used to buy nice things that didn't get ruined by crayons & markers.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 4, 2015
I'm at my most Cinderella when I'm scrubbing crayon marks off the floor and desperately trying to find my five-year-old's missing sneaker.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 24, 2016
"OH MY GOD WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD?" said my 6yo, as he did his homework with crayons.
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) February 11, 2016
4-year-old: Why are the sky and the water both blue?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2016
Me: It's how their molecules scatter light
4:
Me:
4: I think God ran out of crayons
What you say: It's bedtime.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 17, 2019
What the child hears: Take out every toy you own. Tell me about your entire day. Eat a cupcake. Spill a giant box of crayons.
I heard my 9yo recording a video and she said “My mom won’t let me melt a crayon in the microwave, so if you see her on social media, unfriend her and unfollow her.” I’ll be watching closely to see whose side you guys are on.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 23, 2018
Casually scraping crayon out of a heater vent because it turns out kids can’t watch themselves. pic.twitter.com/RlR5tXL4rm
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) November 11, 2017
The crayons at the restaurant were:
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 17, 2019
✅ Dropped on the ground
✅ Argued over
✅ Stripped of their paper
✅ Broken
✅ Dunked in my beer
✅ Eaten
❌ Colored with
My kid is never coming back to this restaurant because there is a tree on the kids menu and no brown crayon.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 18, 2016
3yo: Want to color with me?
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 28, 2019
Me: Sure!!!
3yo: What you doing ?
Me: Coloring
3yo: Don't color llike that
Me:
3yo: Just give me my crayons back...
Me: "Did baby bro eat his banana?"
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) February 20, 2020
4yo: "No, but he did just eat a crayon."
Me: "Ok, thank you."
This is what having a second kid will do to your parenting.
Me: Did you eat the crayon?
— Kwame “Preorder LAST GATE OF THE EMPEROR” Mbalia (@KSekouM) February 16, 2020
Toddler with magenta teeth:pic.twitter.com/AoeKZuNyKA
My 1yo got into a box of crayons and crapped a Jackson Pollock
— RubMor (@QBruby) June 8, 2020
There should be a Fitbit to track how many times you bend over to pick up the crayon your toddler dropped at the restaurant.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 26, 2017
4-year-old: *opening a new box of crayons* It has my favorite color!
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 29, 2020
Me: Which one?
4: All of them.
My toddler is crying because I won't arrange 3 crayons in a circle.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) June 20, 2019
Waiter: Would the kids like some crayons?
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 26, 2018
Me: Please, they’re starving.
Why is my toddler crying today?
— RubMor (@QBruby) May 6, 2019
Because she can't carry all 32 crayons at the same time.
...and because I tried to help her carry them.
...and because a tried to get her to put them in the box to carry easier.#DadLife
If you enjoy listening to kids fight about crayons at 7 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 21, 2018