Probably the number one block to a happier and more fulfilling union between two people who love and are committed to each other is lack of intimacy. Intimacy, while it can relate to sexuality, is much more than that. Intimacy also refers to openness and trust between two people. To have that, each partner must allow themselves to be vulnerable to the other. But what, exactly, does being vulnerable mean?
Within the context of relationships, most people carry within them at least one deep wound. This wound is a direct result of being deeply hurt within a previous relationship with a family member, a friend, a co-worker/boss or, as many would have it, a lover. But this is no ordinary hurt. This was the type of hurt that changed you forever. The kind that made you vow (consciously or unconsciously) to never let anyone do that to you again. This is your wound. And whether you realize it or not, you have created an energetic wall around this wound to keep out the pain. This wall prevents you from being able to be truly intimate within your present relationship. Subsequently, a complete love is never really attained. What you presently have might be good but is not the ultimate love relationship you deserve. Therefore, it's important to be willing to break through the wall you have created. So you see, being vulnerable means confronting this pain and then being willing to tear down the wall for the sake of greater intimacy and therefore greater love.
Here are a couple of helpful exercises that you can do together to remove your walls. You should know up front these exercises are going to feel awkward, but well worth the effort.
Exercise #1
Take 15-20 minutes of uninterrupted time and sit with your back straight, facing each other. Posture is important as it opens up your body to allow your energy to flow. As you do this, look into each others' eyes. You may feel uncomfortable at first and may notice your mind chattering with many thoughts. This will pass, just keep looking into each others' eyes. As you begin to relax more, notice your heart space relaxing. You may also notice your stomach, does it feel tight? If so, this is an indication of feeling the need to control (or patrol) possible danger from entering. Just become aware of this -- you don't need to do anything to change this feeling. Now breathe and allow that breath to move to your stomach to relax. After a little time passes and you feel more relaxed in both your heart space and your stomach, mentally instruct yourself to allow this person in. Breathe deeply as you do this. You may feel a number of different emotions from fear to grief. Again, they will pass. Just keep breathing deeply and keep looking into your partner's eyes. You will notice a growing vulnerability within you - this is good. The goal is to be present with whatever is coming up in each others' presence. When your time is up, embrace each other. The objective here is to (1) affectionately show each other your support and (2) allow the energy of each other's vulnerability to permeate and merge, creating a caring bond that supports the growth of intimacy.
Exercise #2
This exercise involves the use of a large feather or small, hand held broom. The intention here is to sweep away the energetic walls around each other. You will need to take turns with each other for this exercise. Have your partner sit with their back straight while you stand in front of them with the feather or broom. Begin breathing deeply together, trying to sync with your partner's rhythm. Take your feather or broom and hold it two feet above your partner's head. Begin sweeping in a downward motion. Imagine you are sweeping away all energetic blocks to intimacy. Take your time doing this. Then, holding the feather or broom two feet away from the front of your partner's body, continue sweeping away. Repeat this process down each of your partner's sides and down the back. Give extra attention to the heart and stomach areas. Be sure you continue to breathe deeply. When you are finished, allow your partner to repeat this process on you. Embrace each other when completed to create the same effect as in exercise no. 1.
You can practice these energy exercises as often as you'd like. Yes, these exercises might seem awkward. Understand that being awkward together, along with being vulnerable to each other develops a bond between the two of you. By agreeing to try something new together for the purpose of improving intimacy, and then following through with it, the bond strengthens and thus provides a solid foundation which builds trust, openness, richer intimacy and greater love.
Pamela is a spiritual leader in the field of soul mate relationships and helps individuals and couples reach their relationship goals at Passage To Inner Joy. She is also a respected master in the field of energy medicine as the founder of the REAP Healing Method. Please visit her websites to find out more.