(BRASS and GRISSOM kneel over the body of Roger Clemens examining the bruises on his tush.)
BRASS: Wow, that had to hurt.
(GRISSOM reaches into the pitcher's leather jacket pocket and pulls out several signed baseballs.)
BRASS: Well, robbery wasn't a motive.
GRISSOM: Do you think his erstwhile trainer injected him?
BRASS: Listen, Grissom, I don't know what erstwhile means, but he also has some syringes in his pockets and there may be some epithelials that I will get over to trace.
CLEMENS (waking up): Hi guys. Just taking a nap. You know this glad-handing of Congressmen is more exhausting than pitching half a season for $25 million.
GRISSOM: So much for a big name stiff.
(GRISSOM looks up at BRASS wishing the case involved insects.)
FADE TO END OF TEASER
ROLL TITLE CREDITS
BRASS: Our victim, Roger Clemens, Hall of Fame pitcher for sure, just got into town. He checks out. Has to be in Washington this week for a hearing, he says. Asks if we can do a quick turnaround on some DNA.
GRISSOM: I guess he made enemies somewhere.
(CATHERINE shines her flashlight on Clemens' boxer shorts and smiles. She turns and gets a swab to take a sample of Clemens' DNA.) No blood drops here, just some B-12 and Lidocaine. Low-velocity spatter. No castoff.
(WARRICK watches from the side.)
WARRICK: Maybe he wasn't taking steroids or growth hormone after all?
CATHERINE: Naw, he must have. Could all the media and Senator Mitchell be wrong?
(Quick flashback to George Mitchell interviewing Brian McNamee: Witness is surrounded by three dozen FBI agents. McNamee is telling Mitchell something, but whispering. Mitchell is smiling, gleefully.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(WARRICK leans over and gets a good look at Clemens.)
CLEMENS: OK, you can have one of the signed baseballs, but I can't take cash. You remember what happened to Pete Rose?
(Warrick just leans over and snaps a photo.)
[INTERIOR CSI -- Forensic Lab.]
SARA: That guy, McNamee, has got some stones going after a mark as big as Roger.
NICK: He knows he has trouble any way you look at it.
[DR. ROBBINS enters in a hurry]: I heard Roger Clemens was in town. Is that true? Can I check his zygomatic, ethmoidal, and nasal bones? Also his mandible and maxilla? Did you find anything on his body?
GRISSOM: Just these syringes.
[INTERIOR CSI - HALLWAY / DNA LAB - NIGHT]
(GREG leads CATHERINE and GRISSOM into the lab.)
GREG: I recovered DNA from the syringes and compared it with Clemens' DNA. They are a perfect match.
GRISSOM: So McNamee was not lying. He did inject Clemens.
GREG: Yes, but that's where it gets weird.
(He opens a file folder.)
GREG: The DNA was from Clemens. It hit all 13 loci. One peep per marker.
CATHERINE: So Clemens was injected with these syringes, but there is no residue of steroids?
GRISSOM: You mean?
GREG: Yes, Roger Clemens was definitely taking a foreign substance in the ass, but that's all science can tell us.
WARRICK: Seems to me that it was McNamee who was the pain in the ass.
BRASS: Let's get back to solving murders.