On Friday, the Chicago Cubs held their championship parade, celebrating their World Series victory over the Cleveland Indians, and snapping a 108-year title drought.
Unfortunately, Cubs fans no longer exist in our temporal realm. After winning Wednesday, the team’s unofficial catchphrase “Next year!” exists in the past, leaving the team and fans stranded in a temporal loop from which they may never escape.
And that is quite the rub for these, until now, perennial losers. Their celebration ― so well deserved after a century of heartbreak ― will go unseen by those of us on this plane of reality.
So, I guess this is goodbye, brave Cubs fans. Be strong. Do not go quietly into that good night. That cold, windy, why-did-I-think-an-icy-beer-would-keep-me-warm Chicago night.
We will never forget you, you sweet Princes of Perpetual Defeat, you Lords of Loss, you Bishops of Bartman.
We will pass on your tales of courage, your tales of adversity, and your tale of very suddenly being liked by everyone.
Take that victory into the great unknown, you Dukes of W.