Dammit, Everyone. Stop Talking About Her!

Stop writing and talking about her remarks! Senator Kerry, Media Matters, and Keith Olbermann especially! Stop. Just... stop.
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For the sake of avoiding what I'm about to criticize, I'm not going to mention her name, so for the purpose of continuing with this, let's give her a spammer pseudonym. Taints B. Adamsapple. Good? Good.

Ms. Adamsapple -- Taints -- released a book on Tuesday. Let's give the book a fake name, too. Wow! I'm The Sluttiest Whore! by Taints B. Adamsapple. And as part of Taints' promotional tour for this book, she appeared with Matt Lauer on the Today show to sell as many copies of Wow! I'm The Sluttiest Whore! as she could before she's one day carted off and dumped into the same right-wing self-storage unit where they keep the frozen corpse of Morton Downey, Jr.

On this insanely well-publicized Today show appearance, Taints said some horrifyingly tasteless things about the group of 9/11 widows who have been outspoken with their legitimate grievances against the president and his regime. These remarks about the widows were neither satirical nor were they presented as a cleverly twisted comedic sketch intended to lampoon other misguided right-wing pundits. Oh, she was deadly serious about every word. Whether legitimately sincere or not, we'll probably never know. Taints is, if nothing else, amazingly adept at coming up with baseless exaggerations and controversial simplifications of complex issues which she dresses up in the guise of important discourse.

The Taints B. Adamsapple Strategy: 1) Write a book between anal bleachings, 2) Publish the book, 3) Whore book on national television and insult 9/11 widows, 3) Let the good times roll. And by "good times," I mean "piles of cash for more anal bleachings."

It's a simple well-tested strategy employed by many. But rarely do these strategically pre-scripted controversies pack the brutality of Taints' diatribe. Personally, I think she screwed herself (for a change). I don't know what she could ever do to top that one. She'd probably have to behead a row of puppies with a single swipe of her extra-long pinky nail while wearing a thong made of World Trade Center rubble in order to sell copies of her follow up to Wow! I'm The Sluttiest Whore!

Down to the point. Taints' comments not withstanding, I have one thing to say in response: Stop writing and talking about Taints B. Adamsapple's remarks! Senator Kerry, Media Matters, and Keith Olbermann especially! Stop. Just... stop. You're helping her and her chances for a deal to write said follow-up book. Look what's happened:


Wow! I'm The Sluttiest Whore! by Taints B. Adamsapple is the number-one best-selling book on Amazon.com. Mission accomplished. And everyone played right into her spidery manhands. Actually, I'm not entirely sure all the fist shaking launched Wow! I'm The Sluttiest Slut! to number one. But it certainly didn't hurt.

That's not to say we shouldn't continue to watchdog the right-wing pundits and politicians. This isn't the usual case in which O'Reilly or Limbaugh or The President of the United States belches up an obvious lie -- a lie that calls for an immediate debunking using the truth and facts and a dose of outrage. Taintsgate was nothing more than someone yelling "Fire!" in a crowded theater in order to sell sexual favors in the parking lot. And I'm reasonably certain that even the most zombie-like followers of the Bush Cult found her on-air statements to be far beyond the realms of reason.

Even with those who, for reasons beyond comprehension, claim to subscribe to the views of Taints B. Adamsapple, her station in life is considered fringe at best. She has no role in public policy or legislation, she doesn't host a potentially influential nightly television show, and I seriously doubt a constitutional amendment banning 9/11 widows from the national discourse will be proposed. But why, then, give her an additional boost with a spanking from former presidential nominee Senator John Kerry? She in no way deserves that kind of additional street cred.

So really now, even though it was one of the most ludicrous and derogatory public statements ever made, her Today show remarks probably won't have long-lasting repercussions on American democracy. However, lending her and her book increased exposure by endlessly condemning her behavior will surely benefit Taints' bottom line. And by "bottom line", I mean "anal bleachings".


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