For many years, I put everyone before myself. I thought about others before I thought about myself. One day I looked in the mirror and did not recognize the person staring back at me. The person staring back at me had no idea who she was; she was so many things to so many people, and nothing to herself. She was a woman who had given her all in relationships only to end up single and alone. I knew I had to make a change. Deep in my soul, I knew I was created for more. I set out to be who God created me to be.
As I prepared myself to live at a new level of life, I knew I had to change my thinking, in effect transform my character and behavior. Transformation does not make one perfect; it merely makes one aware of "self," and that is a beautiful thing Part of transformation includes knowing one's flaws and imperfections, and accepting them. Now accepting the flaws does not mean you speak about them all the time. Accepting the flaws mean acknowledging them as a part of you without letting them define who you are. If we all walked around as our flaws, what a miserable world this would be. We must learn how to manage our flaws.
During the early days of my transformation, I felt there always had to be some type of movement. I felt as if I should be doing something, although what that was exactly, I did not know. Sometimes, the best thing I did was be still and present in the moment. I had been on an emotional roller coaster for years and needed some time just to be still, without trying to control anything. I needed just to be. In the space of just being, I found I was freeing up space to create possibilities for my life.
My transformation started to take place because I made myself my priority; I had the audacity to put me first. Once I made the decision to change, I started to get clear on things in my life. I wanted more for my life, more than working for someone else, more than living for others. Soon, I wanted to empower and encourage other people to create the lives they want. I began to speak life into my life. I removed the word "can't" from my vocabulary and replaced it with "I choose not to." I saw that my life had been a big "what if?" I had spent so much time in "what if" that it had become my reality. It was comfortable and familiar. My "what if" conversations meant that I did not have to take responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and feelings; if something didn't work, I could blame others. "What if" meant I didn't have to take action to create anything.
Changing my own thinking was a process of growth and development. I started to attract people who, like me, had a vision of wanting to own their own businesses, who were willing to help me reach my goals, who were doing things I wanted to do. I was a willing student, submitting to and learning from them. Next, I stopped blaming others for what I was or was not doing, taking control of myself. I stopped doubting my abilities and started creating possibilities for my life.
One method I used to create possibilities was to create a Vision Board. My Vision Board led me to my goals. I learned, when we have dreams, we need to set goals. My goals made demands on me, which made my future clear and defined. One goal was to put my "all" into whatever I do. If I know I'm not going to give my all, I will not start. My goal was to be very clear about what I wanted.
One thing I wanted to do was host a radio show. My goal came to fruition several months after my scheduled time because I was lackadaisical. Once I got serious and found people with like vision, I accomplished the goal. I started Bare It All (my weekly internet talk show on blogtalkradio.com/bareitall3). The show airs Wednesdays at 7pmEST. Our mission is to empower you to live a life of purpose and step into your power.
When I decided to take a chance on myself, I created possibilities for my life that I never thought about. I wrote a book, The Audacity of Self. This book takes you on a on my journey of moving from insecurity and having a victim mentality to having love of self.
I also started my transformational coaching business, Sistas Speak, LLC. Our purpose is to, "inspire women to live beyond their reasons and justifications and live life fully."
Daily, I try to stay true to my word, to myself, and others. I can only control myself and that is just what I did. I controlled my thinking, my conversation, my behavior and created possibilities for my future.
"You can't fall if you don't climb.
But there's no joy in living your whole life
on the ground"
-- Unknown