"My place for a drink?" Ella asked Chris, knowing full well she wanted more than wine to top off three hours of steak and stimulating conversation.
It was their first date. But heck, it's 2016. Who worries about "those rules" these days?
"Want to just have sex?" she asked him matter-of-factly as they lounged on the couch, reaching out to slide one side of his jacket, and then the other, off his shoulders.
Chris had been looking for something physical and relished the thought of a quickie. Yet just as quickly he felt a rush of panic. No longer the seducer, he was conflicted. To Chris, this date with Ella was now an opportunity to "ring the bell and get the coconut," as we Brits say.
So he spent the night, yet he didn't follow up with her the next day. For Chris, Ella was a "bad girl" and not relationship material. But isn't that an ideal for a man? The girl who gives without the strings and stress attached?
Well, yes and no and maybe.
There are many reasons why women seduce men, and it's not always just because of lust. Both good girls and bad girls make decisions to become seducers and act it out in very different ways. And whether they're scouting to find love mates, or just 'friends with benefits,' most women are secretly hoping to find that special someone. And men tend not to marry women they label as promiscuous.
I decided to ask a so-called mate of mine his thoughts on the topic. Tom is a successful lawyer. He is excessively handsome and extravagant to a fault. Smarter than most, he's funny, well-educated and charming . . . or so I thought.
These are his raw words:
"A good girl is like a loving dog. You know . . . If you're in a bad way, she'll do anything to make you laugh. She knows what you're feeling and tries to make you happy. She won't complain and won't try and fix you . . . Um . . . She may not be the most exciting in bed, but I know she's not seeing other men. And when I'm ready, I'll probably settle down with one . . . She'll make a good wife and mother."
"Now bad girls are wicked," He continues, "They mess with your mind. They lie. And you can't trust them. The problem is they drink too much, and it's not good for me to get high all the time. They're dangerous with sex! It cost too much to date one. You know, dinners, and they want you to buy them things. They just care about themselves. I mean, they're good for a night or two. They know how to play you."
I sat there aghast, and said nothing. I paused for a moment, barely enough time to take a breath, and refrain from kicking his ass out the door. I took the high road and asked Tom what he thought could be the solution.
He stared intensely into my eyes, and with a knowing smile he answered:
"You've just got to train good girls to be a little bad."
Women may have a difficult time understanding the sexual motives of men who think this way. Tom, for example, may not realize that he's a misogynist; he will protect his vulnerability at any cost.
This is his story:
Tom was engaged and deeply in love. His fiancée left him for his best friend. Since then, his sexual appetite has increased dramatically, and his focus is on playing with bad girls. He is still grieving over his ex, and if the phrase "sex is a drug" has any basis, he is still going through the withdrawals of a breakup. Because of this, Tom is lashing out on the women around him.
Whether a man like Tom is conscious of punishing a woman for being a bad girl or not, he will inevitably (and subconsciously) punish the good girl as well for giving into everything he wants. The fact is, you're dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't.
Is it any wonder why women today are more sexually discriminating than men?
Brooke Scelza, a human behavioral ecologist at at UCLA's Anthropology Department, argues that multiple mating may be a way of hedging women's bets in an unstable environment. And by pursuing an ardent sexual strategy, women can choose the best potential males as well as find the support they need in order to maximize their reproductive success.
With the scarcity of available men today, and the social distaste for monogamy, Scelza's theory is intriguing and may justify why many of our primal mating habits are emerging. Their fertile urges may be an unconscious influencer that encourages both good and bad girls to attain the right alpha.
"I do keep getting these bad girl roles. The funny thing is that, honestly, I don't think I'm believable as these aristocratic mean girls. But I do love playing them." -Katie McGrath
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Suzannah Galland is an internationally acclaimed life advisor and influencer for mindful living. She has collaborated with celebrities, politicians, corporate leaders, and individuals like you. Suzannah has been featured in Harper's Bazaar, USA Today, Vogue, Glamour, and more. She writes regularly for Goop.com, as well as Spread the Light for KORA Organics. Visit her website or follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for more Insights to Keep You in The Know.
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