"You're the oldest man I've been out with in 15 years."
"You're the oldest woman I've been out with in 17 years."
Touché!
And that was how our affair started 13 months ago to the day.
In a blog I'd written for The Huffington Post last January about my year of delicious Tindering, I'd just declared to myself -- and to the world -- that I was considering dating a "grown up" -- someone in the vicinity of my own age after a year of people collecting -- no, let me be honest here, boy toy collecting. Yeah, I was hooked on youth.
Suddenly, I wanted a "date" versus "hangin' out" because, well, I am not in high school. Suddenly, I was considering the concept of fun -- with "possibilities" -- and it had been a loooong time since I thought about possibilities after a rough break up and a total embrace of comeback romps. Suddenly, I wanted a MAN ... not a buck. A man who might actually get my references ... what a concept. My silver-haired fantasy began...
I upp'd my ante online to the age of 60 (never mind where it was) and the search began. I like being in the driver's seat and leading the chase. And, like any job, it required full focus. I found him immediately:
a. Silver-haired fox: check
b. Art lover: check
c. Adventurous spirit: check
d. Fit: check
e. Smart: check (or he's doing a Cyrano de Bergerac and that's smart in its own way)
e. Funny: well, they all say that but ... check
The opening scene happened when we met in person, which didn't take long because the man, in fact, is a waggish writer and lured me in quickly. He wrote me he had literally just left his second wife and had been actively enjoying his singlehood for the first time in 31 years. He also told me he was learning to "seduce", which I thought was hilarious, that he was trolling the online sites, "dating" three women, lived uptown, worked downtown, and had absolutely no time for anymore "new." All glowing fire alarms if I had cared. I didn't. In fact, I thought: perfect. Let's meet. After all, I'd just graduated from sexy younguns and I didn't want/need a MAN who wants too much ... or, for that matter, wants anything ... yet...
I told a good gay friend of mine that I was embracing "men my age." And his comeback: "now WHY would you do that..."
My pal knew my past prejudices well. I realized that I had become an ageist about men. When it comes to women, I am a huge proponent of acceptance with the aging process -- keep looking forward. But when it came to my bedmates -- I always think of that scene with Samantha in "Sex and the City "-- you know the scene! She's looking at the rich old man's caved-in butt and simply can't go there. And that was who I was in the last few years ... in fact, living two entirely different lives -- an age proponent for women and founder of Glorious Broads -- and an ageist for men. Oops!
Well, all of that "I don't want to get involved and I need to embrace singlehood" lasted approximately three months with my guy. I knew he was cruising his OK site beyond that time frame (and so was I) but I felt I had scored "the grown up" right out of the gate. I remember telling my sister that it felt odd to settle in kind of immediately after my goal of "older man" was declared. She nearly slapped me with "you have had a lifetime of kissing frogs. Enjoy." Point taken, sis. Luck in love can happen later in life. Did it happen?
One of the delectable things I found out about being with a grown up is: they WANT to connect! And he opened me up to that feeling of "partners" again ... NOT to be a wife (we have both done enough marriages thank you) ... but loving again ... and in a new way.
All of my earlier rejections and assumptions about 60+ men were challenged. I have certainly loved before, but never in this open, honest, accepting way and with such an equal, feisty friend. Some of my prejudices were confirmed. I mean, the man wears earmuffs. But most re-learned.
We've both been around the block. We are both not interested in repeating old and "expected" ways of living and loving. We often travel separately. And he's on his way now for a big fat juicy adventure he's been dreaming about for years. Go baby! Now, my younger self would never have felt that way. The new post-50 me says: go, love. Just come back to mama.
I now praise Glorious Older Men, and, in particular, mine...
Maryjane Fahey is a writer, designer, animator and co-author of DUMPED, a breakup bible for women.
You'll find her project, GLORIOUS BROADS on:
instagram.com/gloriousbroads
Facebook: facebook.com/gloriousbroads
Twitter: @gloriousbroads
Email: Gloriousbroads@gmail.com
Web: Gloriousbroads.com
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