20 Ways Dating Is Very, Very Different In Middle Age

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This past August, I posted a piece entitled "25 Differences Between Dating as a Teenager vs. Dating Over 50." It explored what men said, thought, and worried about way back in their teens compared to now in middle age.

In discussion with my mid-20s son Daniel, we came up with a twist on that premise: When it comes to dating and romance now, what differences would a single Dad in his 50s encounter compared to his single son in his 20s? In other words, how might it go when a dad and his son sit down to openly compare notes about what's happening with the women in their lives?

Perhaps it would go something like this:

Son: She thinks we're exclusive, and wants me off Tinder.
Dad: She thinks we're exclusive, and wants me off carbs.

Dad: She's an avid reader -- she's in six book clubs.
Son: She's an avid reader -- she's always browsing her Twitter feed.

Son: Her boobs are amazing -- they're completely unreal.
Dad: Her boobs are amazing -- there's no way they're real.

Dad: She's financially set -- she just got named CEO.
Son: She's financially set -- she just hit 200K followers on Instagram.

Son: She loves when I Snapchat her shots of my six-pack.
Dad: She begged me not to take off my shirt at the pool.

Dad: She's such a liberal, she's got Bernie stickers all over her car.
Son: She's such a liberal, she dissed Cruz on her YouTube channel.

Son: Her mom is so hot I can't stop thinking about her.
Dad: Her daughter's so hot I've got to stop thinking about her.

Dad: She's got this big, comfy bed, so I always sleep well.
Son: She's just got a futon, so after we do it I've got an excuse to go home.

Son: She really loves my distressed, acid-washed jeans.
Dad: She "suggested" I change when I got a drop of soup on my cuff.

Dad: I know it's old-fashioned, but I always pay for dinner.
Son: I know it's old-fashioned, but I always pay for dinner -- then she Venmo's me her share after.

Son: I don't really mind condoms 'cause they help slow me down.
Dad: I really hate condoms 'cause I need all the sensation I can get.

Dad: Her friends are kinda boring -- not one of them is creative.
Son: Her friends are kinda boring -- they all say they're "creatives."

Son: She and her mom get along great -- they talk all the time.
Dad: She and her mom get along great -- now that her mom's dead.

Dad: She and her ex share custody of their kids.
Son: She and her ex share custody of their Vitamix.

Son: She caught me looking at MILF porn -- God was she pissed.
Dad: She caught me looking at MILF porn -- she was actually kinda pleased.

Dad: We have a rule, and never do it when her kids sleep over.
Son: She's got three roommates, but that hasn't deterred us yet.

Son: She suggested Netflix and Chill ... yeah, it went down.
Dad: She suggested Netflix and Chill ... yeah, we watched "Everest."

Dad: It's cute, she's taking golf lessons so we can play together.
Son: It sucks, she keeps asking to play FIFA with me and my friends.

Son: She really loves my new sleeve tattoo.
Dad: She said she'd pay to laser off my "Keep On Truckin'" tat.

Dad: She's so into music she subscribes to Spotify Premium.
Son: She's so into music she only listens to vinyl.

And of course, there are some areas that are so clear, so obvious, so universal, that both the dad and the son would say exactly same thing:

"I had to dump her -- she's voting for Trump."

For more content of interest to anyone who is Divorced Over 50, or whose marriage is at a point where divorce is a possibility, please visit DivorcedOver50.com.

(Editorial assistance provided by Daniel's younger brother, Andrew.)

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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