The Top 10 Things David Letterman's New Beard Is Thinking Right Now

Letterman? More like betterman.

Retirement has made its way to David Letterman's face, and the results are really epic.

The former "Late Show" host, who retired in May, stepped out with his son Monday, sporting a much more relaxed look than we're used to seeing him in. The baggy shirt and funky glasses came complete with a brand new beard that the Internet immediately went wild for.

The New York Post said he's "let himself go," Gothamist asked "WTF Is This On David Letterman's Face?" but we beg to differ. That thing is big, bold and impressive. In fact, it even appears to have a mind of its own.

That got us thinking: what would his new facial adornment think if it did have a mind of its own? A mind that, say, could dream up one of Dave's iconic top 10 lists?

Alas, a list, counted down in true Letterman fashion was born, for the world(wide pants) to see.

10. "I didn't look this good on Stephen Colbert, did I?"

9. "How long until I get my own Twitter account?"

8. "You should see the other guy."

7. "I'm saving that soup for later."

6. "No offense Dumbledore but that beard looks totally fake."

5. "So... does this mean we're moving to Brooklyn?"

4. "It's real, and it's fabulous."

3. "LOL Dave those glasses are your best joke yet."

2. "Leno could never grow a beard this good."

1. "Netflix and chill?"

You keep doing you, Letterman.

Also on HuffPost Style: