David Petraeus, Anthony Weiner, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards to Team Up, Fight Crime

In an unusual development, former CIA Director David Petraeus will be teaming up with former New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, former U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner, and former Senator John Edwards to secretly fight crime as a group called The Insatiables. "Beware, evildoers -- you have a new enemy," said Insatiables spokesperson Randy Kulok. "If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and you don't mind the shame of having to deal with them, maybe you can hire The Insatiables."

The Insatiables plan to use their unique backgrounds and personal experiences to combat a variety of deviant and criminal acts, while traveling around the country in a custom-made van marked "Not The Insatiables" to throw off anyone thinking that they actually might be The Insatiables. When asked whether or not this van, along with making a public announcement about The Insatiables' very existence, blows the group's chances of maintaining any secrecy, Kulok said, "The group admits the plan has some bugs in it, but they're all sort of used to winging it in a surprising number of delicate situations."

Many other politicians and government officials including Larry Craig, Chris Lee, and Mark Foley asked to join The Insatiables, but there were simply too many to consider. Former President Bill Clinton will serve in an advisory capacity to the group, with the Insatiables hearing him on a delightfully retro intercom wherever they travel. Hillary Clinton commented, "Anything to get him out of the house will be appreciated."