Donald Trump's First Day in the White House

8 AM: Wake up? Not yet.
9 AM: Wake up. Play around with wife while she's sleeping.
9:15 AM: Meet with Joint Chiefs of Staff, Federal Reserve Chairman, and beauty pageant winners.
9:30 AM: Walk around naked in front of female staffers.
10 AM: Bomb Iran. Nuclear problem solved.
10:15 AM: Insult midgets.
10:30 AM: Change name of Pennsylvania Avenue to Trump Boulevard.
11 AM: Put Hillary in jail.
11:30 AM: Repeal Obamacare.
12 AM: Present alternative healthcare plan? Screw it.
12: 15 PM: Insult the Japanese.
12:30 PM: Lunch with some black person to show solidarity with African American community.
1:30 PM: Visit Lincoln Memorial, walk around naked in front of female tourists.
2 PM: Come up with some sort of economic plan? Too hard.
2:30 PM: Bomb China. Currency manipulation problem solved.
2:45 PM: Post naked selfie on Instagram.
3 PM: Bomb China again just for fun.
3:30 PM: Insult blind people.
3:45 PM: Visit Hillary in jail, threaten her with death penalty.
4 PM: Launch new business to sell Presidential pardons.
5 PM: Cut taxes for...hmmm...myself.
5:15 PM: Insult children under the age of 2.
5:30 PM: Deport Anderson Cooper.
6 PM: Bomb Chicago. Gun violence problem solved.
6:30 PM: Create bikini dress code for all women in White House (except for the fat ones).
7 PM: Make a TV ad in black face to show solidarity with African American community.
8 PM: Bomb Mexico. Illegal immigration problem solved.
8:45 PM: Meet Anthony Weiner to compare naked selfies.
9 PM: Call in the National Guard and beat up civilians. Just because.
9:30 PM: Sell nuclear codes to Russia, pocket the cash.
10 PM: Hide for a while in the ladies' room, and watch.
10:30 PM: Order fighter jets and nuclear weapons for local police departments around the country.
10:45 PM: Make a TV ad eating fried chicken to show solidarity with African American community.
11 PM: Tweet Hillary supporters with threats to kill them.
11:15 PM: Tweet in-laws with threats to kill them.
11:30 PM: Provide update on day's activities to the Devil.
Midnight: Party with teenage girls like its 1985!