We all have at times felt having negative feelings towards people who are close to us, but how do you deal with it? I struggled with this for years, I had all these feelings and emotions inside of me but didn’t have anyone I could openly speak to about without being judged. So what did I do? I just bottled them all up inside of me, but what I learnt with time, after being overwhelmed with all these feelings and emotions being built up inside of me was that I could no longer ignore them. I had to acknowledge all these feelings, try to analyse them why I felt the way I did - was these feelings from the authentic me (my own thoughts) or was it my inner critic (and peoples opinions I had grown up with) that had made something big out of nothing?
I then decided to start journaling. The title for my page was ‘Things and People that upset and bother me’ - I know it’s a long title, but for me it summed up everything I needed to put on paper. When I found myself being side-tracked, I’d take a look at the title to be gently reminded on what I was doing.
Then one by one, I got out all the emotions and feelings down, I analysed them to see where this feeling came from to start with. Why did I feel so negative? Why did I feel hatred towards this person? I went as deep down in to my memory bank as I could, wrote down everything I could remember, spoke out loud (to myself) - I guess I just needed to ‘hear’ it. There were tears, smiles, ‘aha’ moments and more, it took me good 1 month to deal with all of this - one suppressed feeling a day to deal with. I acknowledged my feelings and emotions, I forgave the person who made me feel this way and I forgave myself for allowing me to feel this way and then I burnt the paper I had written on - I let go.
Now, I am not saying that I haven’t felt those negative feelings since, they do come back now and then, I acknowledge these feelings and try to shift my mindset on to something positive. For example; for the last couple of days I have felt a bit upset about the way a friend treated me, I have felt anger, I let myself feel this, I asked myself if this anger has anything to do with my authentic self (did I do anything wrong?) or is it my friend’s insecurities and rudeness that made me feel this way. Once I analysed where the problem was, which had nothing to with me - I took a few deep breath and let it go. With each breath I took in, i was thinking of those feelings, with each breath out - I let those feelings, thoughts and emotions go. I got myself ready to study, opened facebook to post a quote when I got a reminder from facebook that it’s ( years since I joined. I scrolled through my memories; positive quotes, family photos, holidays, meeting celebrities and more - I had a big smile on my face!
Don’t let one (or two) negative things / feelings ruin all the good experiences you have had. There’s always something to be happy about, a simple thing as a walk in the sunshine, listen to a track which makes you excited, chocolate (my favourite!), phone call to a friend you’ve been thinking of - the list is endless.
TOP TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE FEELINGS
Recognise and name the emotion.
Learn from the emotion.
Snap back into the present moment.
Remind yourself that the emotion will pass.
Accept the emotion.
Figure out what is causing the emotion.
Tell yourself the emotion won’t last forever.
Notice how the emotion is affecting your behaviour.