Dear Classmate, I'm Anxious About Our 20th High School Renunion


I just saw it on Facebook: the save the date for our 20th year reunion. There's no question that I'll be attending. I missed our last one, heavily pregnant with my youngest and unfit to be seen (I mean, I think she was literally born the next day).

While I'm thrilled to be going to a fancy party and to get properly dressed up (not just dinner at Bonefish next to the mall dressed up), I'm also a bit nervous.

Here are 20 thoughts that I have about my upcoming 20-year reunion.

1. I'm taking stock. Of course I am. Twenty years is a long time. Have I achieved what I wanted to achieve? Once I get my head around where my life is, I can think about the rest of my classmates.

2. There shouldn't be many surprises because I'm friends with many of you from Facebook, but having everyone in one group setting will be interesting. I wonder if the groups will naturally divide. Will the cool kids still hang out together?

3. Will the once popular kids be fat and bald in a just universe sort of way? Probably not. You'll all still be beautiful, most likely.

4. Will the nerds be rich and successful? Definitely. Go nerds.

5. Will my old crush be there? You know the one who no one even knows about. Not even my old BFF.

6. Will my best friend make the trip? I'm calling her next to convince her.

7. Who ended up surprisingly suburban?

8. Who ended up surprisingly cosmopolitan?
Who's got out of town and stayed out? It's one thing to have moved away. But many of us are back. In the same suburb, raising our kids in the same school district.

9. How many unlikely couples will there be? I already know two couples who didn't even talk in high school, but now are happily married with a house full of children. Are there any more of you?

10. Who's going to have the super-hot spouse? At our five-year reunion, one of the quietest guys of '96 brought the most stunning girlfriend.

11. Who's going to be on the prowl? As a recent divorcee or as a stand-out remaining single?

12. Who will be the first to whip out a photo of their kids on the smart phone?

13. Should I go on a real diet for this event or will my usual "cleanse" be sufficient? The only cleanse I do is to substitute my normal red wine for green tea the week before the event.

14. Will I be expected to remember if I talked to you at our ten-year reunion? If I did, let me say right now that I don't remember anything you said. I probably (definitely) drank far too much and only remember my side of the conversation and not anyone's responses. Besides, that was ten years and two kids ago. Please don't expect miracles. I'll be happy if I remember your face and/or name from high school.

15. Along this note, if I don't recognize you straight away, please don't take it personally. To jog my memory, please introduce yourself to me in the following manner: "I'm so-and-so and you probably remember me from high school because [insert very specific memory here, such as, we did that project together senior year, I barfed in homeroom sophomore year, or I was responsible for the prank on Mrs. Hillman freshman year.]" Only once you give me that key piece of information, am I going to put your particular set of facts together. Thank you in advance. Maybe the reunion committee can make specialized nametags with everyone's infamous byline.

16. How will I recognize half the men (and women) there if they are not wearing an Eddie Bauer flannel shirt, jeans, a baseball cap, and Doc Martin boots? Should I wear this outfit or my basketball uniform so that everyone can recognize me?

17. Who's going to drink too much?

18. Will my husband question our decision to move here after the event?
Will my husband be speaking to me after the event?

19. Who will I see next year with their own children at the elementary school? We were once best frenemies. Now, we're on the PTA together. The circle of life is surreal.

20. Please don't bring up the fact that I kissed your husband in eighth grade. Gross. Our kids have to play together on the playground.

21. Should go through my mom's photo albums and bring along some pictures? Recently, my mom showed my kids photos of me from high school. Boy, do they look dated. I wonder if our own mothers will be outside of the event, taking pictures of us as we arrive? Like they did before senior prom?

Wish me luck. Panther Pride 1996.